


Synonym for Soulmate

by Hex_Arcadia



Series: Much Ado About Everything [2]
Category: Girls (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Healthy Relationships, Love, Smut, Smutty, Soulmates, Unhealthy Relationships, adamsackler, adamsgonnafuckup, loveandsex, nymphomaniacs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hex_Arcadia/pseuds/Hex_Arcadia
Summary: Adam doesn't believe in love at first sight, until now. Nina is everything he's ever dreamed of. Here's to hoping he won't screw this one up, but knowing Adam...well, read and see. RATED M FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS: Smut and Cussing y'all.Part two of the Much Ado About Everything Series. The first part, Whittle, is a stand-alone one-shot that inspired the full story. Go check it out!If you've seen the show Girls, obvious WARNINGS: Sexual content, lots of swearing, self-destruction.But also...growth, character development, love, romance, fluff, smut. All the good things!
Relationships: Adam Sackler/Original Character(s), Adam Sackler/Original Female Character(s), Jessa Johansson/Adam Sackler
Series: Much Ado About Everything [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656793
Comments: 28
Kudos: 52





	1. Crash

He can’t believe he’s actually showed up to this stupid fucking bar, to see people he hardly wants to see, to talk about shit he doesn’t care about. He can’t even go outside to smoke because there’s no patio and it’s been raining harder than it has in weeks. His leg is jiggling under the table, the fingers of his left hand are curled into a fist on his thigh, and his right hand is clutching at a glass of seltzer water and lime. 

Adam is fucking tense.

The longer he sits on this uncomfortable stool, listening to Hannah go on and on about how much motherhood actually sucks, Marnie smiling wide and fake as she tries to assure everyone that raising a baby is actually beautiful, the closer Adam comes to bashing his fucking skull against the hard grain of the table. All around him is noise. Useless fucking noise. No one has anything substantial to talk about, everyone is just complaining about the same shit. It’s been over six months since he’s seen most of these people, with the exception of Ray, and almost nothing has changed.  
At least Jessa isn’t here. He can count that as a win.

No one knows why she hasn’t shown, Adam can take a guess, but no one seems too concerned. Jessa’s pissed a lot of people off and her absence is a welcome reprieve. All they want to know is how Adam’s relationship with her ended, and they hound him with questions until he literally growls at them. They’ve only been apart for a month and he doesn’t feel like talking about it. 

Nosey little shits.

He’s not sure why he’s even agreed to come here. When Ray called him and told him they were all meeting since Hannah and Marnie were in town, Adam actually laughed until he realized that Ray was serious when he extended that invitation to him. He outright refused at first, ultimately deciding to come because it’s safer to be around these people than alone right now. That, and because he honestly doesn’t mind Shoshanna. She’s strange and unusual, and he finds her to be far more tolerable than the other girls in his life.

In fact, he wishes that Shosh was the one telling stories of her grand adventures in Japan, or maybe sharing some of her naughty stories from her recent honeymoon in Thailand. Adam isn’t picky, he literally prefers anything over Hannah continuing to drone on about some problem with her nipples and, what? Latching? What the fuck is latching? 

Adam groans and bites the inside of his lip to keep the noise distilled, a laugh ringing sweetly near the bar drawing his attention as he sits forward, resting his chin against his clasped hands. He locks onto the culprit of the laugh immediately, his breath catching in his throat and forcing a hard swallow. She’s stunning, the most beautiful creature Adam has ever seen. Dark hair hangs in loose waves, resting just above her slender shoulders and framing her perfect oval face. She’s laughing, full pink lips pulled tight over pearly teeth and the most adorable dimples he’s ever seen.  
It feels magnetic, his draw to her is almost painful it’s so immediate. When she turns her head to him and their eyes lock, Adam thinks his heart just might beat out of his chest. Her grey eyes piercing straight through him send an electric jolt straight to his core. Her long eyelashes frame the stormy orbs, accentuated by a smokey eyeshadow. She holds his gaze, blinking a few times before bringing her drink to her mouth. She bites the tip of the straw, effectively drawing Adam’s gaze to her pout. 

Was it possible to fall in love with someone without even knowing their name?

“Adam!” He startles a bit, tearing his eyes away from the beauty at the bar and glancing around the table. “Are you okay? I said your name like three times.” It’s Hannah, of course, her mousey face screwed up with concern. Maybe it’s an annoyance. Knowing the girl, he’s leaning toward the latter. 

He clears his throat, throwing a glance back toward the bar before, “yeah. Yes. I’m fine. What do you want?”

“I’m sensing some hostility; did I say something wrong?”

He stares at her for a second too long, confused. “What?” He squints, vexed.

He glances back toward the bar; the raven-haired girl is standing now, hugging her friend, and he starts to panic. No, no! She can’t leave, not before he talks to her. She has to feel it too, right? This can’t be a one-sided zing of an emotional draw. There’s no way she didn’t feel it when their eyes met. He needs to know; they shared a real connection, crazy as it may seem, and now she’s about to disappear from his life forever.

Adam hears Hannah on his right complaining, hears Marnie telling him that he’s being rude and has been for most of the night. He hears Ray and Shosh stick up for him, and Hannah bitching about something else. He knows they’re talking to him and about him, but right now all he can focus on is this dark angel before she’s gone. He doesn’t know her name, or where she’s from, or how she tastes; all things that Adam needs to know. He feels feral, instinct taking over as she slides the denim over her shoulders. 

His heart tells him to follow her, not let this one go. He’s never felt so primal; connected to someone so immediately and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least find out this woman’s name. He’s always one to follow his heart first, brain second; unless his dick is involved then he usually follows that first. 

Adam thinks maybe this time is a combination of all three.

“Are you even listening?”

He isn’t sure who’s asked, but he mumbles a quick “no” before he jumps up from his seat, his eyes never leaving her as she ducks out of the door to the bar. He grabs his jacket and rounds the high-top. He hears them call for him, cuss at him before once again Ray offers an apology on his behalf. Adam really wishes he hadn’t done that because he isn’t sorry, but whatever. He supposes they’ll still invite him next time, regardless. He’s done a lot worse and they still keep him around.

It’s still raining when Adam leaves, looking both ways but not catching any sight of his girl. Shit, she must’ve already caught a cab. His heart sinks, the water beating down on him and soaking his hair. He hardly feels it. He’s lost his chance, a hole opening up that he hadn’t even known was there. He was so close to whatever that was, the potential dying with every second he doesn’t see her. 

“Fuck,” Adam mumbles, teeth gritting. “Fuck!” He screams a second time.

He starts walking toward the subway, absolutely fuming that he has to take one at all. Marnie had all but insisted they meet in Manhattan, for whatever reason, and now he has to ride a shitty underground train for 45 minutes soaking fucking wet and heartbroken. He can turn around and head back inside, but that is absolutely the last thing he wants to do.  
So off he goes, into the great abyss that is a New York City Saturday night.

He’s angry. He let her slip right through his fingers. He supposes he can go back to the bar every night until he runs into her again, but that doesn’t seem healthy…but…no, no. He can’t do that. Adam tells himself he has to accept that she’s gone and he’s missed his shot. This is exactly the kind of shit that always happens to-

“-shit!”

Adam gasps, his thoughts cut short when someone grabs his arm and yanks him under the awning to a closed convenience store. He spins, prepared to throw his fist against whoever it is he’s positive is about to mug him. He’s been mugged only once before when he had first moved to New York ten years ago and he’s learned since then to defend first. It probably isn’t the smartest approach, but it’s what he has.

Then he sees her.

She doesn’t even flinch, holding her hands up in surrender as Adam stops himself just in time. He fights to calm the shake that’s taken over, adrenaline strumming through his veins as he watches her face glow orange when she brings a cigarette to her mouth. The grey in her eyes catches the hue and glows like the ember on the end of her stick. She smiles at him then, blowing out a solid stream of grey smoke as she holds her pack out to him.

“I almost punched you in the face,” he tells her, taking one of the cigarettes from her pack and digging out his lighter. There’s only a little tremble to his voice left, betraying his tough demeanor.

“Mm, but you didn’t,” she replies. Her voice is smooth and slides over Adam like silk, settling in his groin. He reprimands himself inside his head for immediately wanting to seduce her.

“No.” He holds her stare as he lights his own cigarette, and he almost grins when her eyes flit to his mouth and back up to his dark eyes.

“Are you following me?” She asks boldly, nibbling at a bit of skin on her lip to keep herself from grinning.

He could lie, and tell her he was leaving before she had decided to go but that seems stupid. He doesn’t want to start this with a lie. In fact, Adam has this strong sense that he never wants to lie to her. So instead he nods his head, taking a drag off his smoke to keep his mouth busy.

“Why?” She challenges him.

“Why’d you grab me?” He shoots back, smirking when she breaks their eye contact first. 

“Same reason you’re following me, I bet.”

“Because you’re a fucking creep?”

She laughs, the same melodic sound that had drawn his attention in the first place. He smiles at her, genuine and warm, the feeling spreading through his limbs and chasing away the cold from the rain seeping into his bones. He’s glad she laughed. It means her humor is like his. 

“Makes two of us, huh?” She quirks a brow, confirming Adam’s previous thought about her humor, puffing away the last of her ciggy before snubbing it out with the tow of her combat boot.  
He lets out a quick guffaw, agreeing with her.

“What’s your name, creep?” She asks, wrapping her coat tighter around her. For spring, it’s a rather cool night and the rain doesn’t help at all. He’s used to it though; New York isn’t known for its beautiful weather.

“Adam,” he tells her. “What’s your name, double creep?”

She bites her lip again, face splitting into a grin before she answers, “Nina.”

“Nina,” Adam lets her name roll around on his tongue, tasting it like a fine whiskey. He loves it more than he’s ever loved anything before. He can’t explain it to anyone, but when she repeats his name back to him, he almost collapses from the weight of it. “Where you headed?” He asks her, finishing his own cigarette and flicking it out into the rain-slicked street. It doesn’t even spark.

“Sunnyside, near Calvary.”

“Queens?” He can’t believe his luck! He’d thought she was from Manhattan, which would’ve made it significantly more difficult to date her. Which, if he’s being honest, is exactly what he’s trying to do. Rebound be damned. “I’m near Greenpoint, right across the Newton.”

“Oh, Brooklyn boy huh?” She teases.

“Impressed?”

“Absolutely not.”

He can’t help the laugh that escapes, a common thing that seems to be happening in the few minutes he’s spent with Nina. He hasn’t felt so good in a long time. His cheeks are actually starting to hurt. “That’s fair.”

“So, Adam,” Nina tilts her head. “I would love some company on the train if you’re headed that way.”

“I, uh, yeah. I’m heading home,” he glances out from under the awning. “It’s still raining pretty hard though.”

“You afraid of getting wet?” She takes a step toward him, and for the first time, he’s able to get a real idea of her height. She’s taller than both Jessa and Hannah, but he can still fit his chin comfortably against the crown of her head if he wants…and boy does he want to, the provocation in her question fueling the fire burning in his belly. 

“Are you?” Adam doesn’t miss a beat, earning him a quirk of her brow and a small gasp. 

“Come on then,” she reaches for his hand, her voice low as the heat between their palms is almost hot enough to catch fire. “Run!”

“Huh?”

She yanks him out into the rain, breaking into a sprint as the cold drops patter against them. She keeps her grip on him, feet pounding against the wet pavement below. They run together, smiling against the weather as they weave through the ever-present crowds of New York City, weather be damned. Adam is sold, the world slowing down around him as his focus becomes centered on Nina and the way her megawatt smile lights up everything they pass.  
_________________________________________________________________________

“What’s your biggest fear, Adam?” Nina asks him almost 40 minutes later, her damp head of hair is resting against his shoulder as the train rambles on. 

They’ve been chatting for a while about most things, settling against the seat of the old beaten subway car. Her head found his shoulder almost immediately and he’s tucked her arm into his in an attempt to be even closer. That didn’t work so well because she becomes animated, talking with her hands when she’s passionate about this or that.

He adores her.

Talk comes easy, either one of them offering their opinion on such and such or what have you. He’s been aroused since her first question wasn’t the usual “where are you from?”, “what’s your favorite color?”, or “do you have any siblings?” small talk that he hates and is horrible at. Instead, she fires off with “do you believe in God?” almost immediately, and his interest piques immensely.

Adam has to bite his tongue to keep himself from telling her he loves her.

“Used to be dying painfully,” he tells her earnestly, shivering a little at the thought, “then my niece was born and losing her took priority.”

“What’s her name?” She snuggles closer.

“Jessa-Hannah,” he winces, “but we all call her Sample because she’s sample-sized.”

“Jessa-Hannah,” she repeats. “Interesting name-“

“-I fucking hate it,” Adam snaps, his tone strains and his jaw clenches, a twitch giving him away. It still annoys him that Caroline named her daughter after his ex’s, which is partly why they started calling her Sample in the first place. Nina turns her face up at him curiously. He doesn’t want to have to explain all of that now, but her eyes draw it out of him. “They’re my ex’s names. I just, I can’t…I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She implores, shifting to face him even more. 

His eyes dart around her slender face, expecting her to yell at him for some reason and realizing that he’s so used to the yelling, her being so calm at the mention of his ex is confusing. “I don’t- I don’t know.”

She smiles at him sweetly, leaning toward him. He thinks she’s going to kiss him and he stops breathing, but instead she brushes a wet piece of his hair from his forehead with a featherlight touch of her fingers. “I don’t care about your ex’s,” she whispers, close enough that her fruity breath ghosts his skin. “We don’t have to talk about them. I’d much rather keep talking about our fears, and life, and how we love and are loved...”

Adam stares at her, unable to form words. All around him are other people and noises. He’s inside of a metal can, racing through tunnels of concrete with dozens of strangers coughing, talking, sneezing, singing. There’s even an older gentleman snoring loudly a few seats behind them, but all he sees is her. All he hears is her, everything disappearing as their eyes hold and they sway lightly from the movement of their transportation. 

Then the swaying stops, and the world crashes back into place and jolts him out of his daydream. Everything moves fast again, growing louder as this person and that person began shuffling around, crowds waiting on the curb just outside his window.

“This is me,” she tells him, effectively drawing his attention to her as she flashes a smile and stands.

He panics as she rounds the seat, realizing he has no way to contact her after this.

“How do I see you again?” He blurts, watching as she digs through her bag, producing a purple pen and reaching for his hand. He promptly gives it to her when she reaches, not hesitating at all.

“Call me, of course,” she tells him as she scribbles her phone number across his palm in a sparkly purple gel. Adam shivers when she blows on the ink to dry it quickly.

He looks away for a second, it can’t be more than two or three, as he pulls his hand back and glances at the scrawl on his palm, thinking about how hard it’s going to be for him to not let this wash away in the rain. Of all the days he’s forgotten his phone at home, it has to be this day. That’s his luck. It’s also his luck when he looks back up, she’s gone, replaced by faceless strangers as they file onto the train.

His heart beats wildly against his chest, looking around so he can at least wave goodbye to her. What if he fucks this up? What if he loses the number, or something happens and he never sees her again? Could this be a fake number? What if this is all pretend? Adam feels panicked and he hates it. This isn’t him. He’s terrified of never seeing Nina again and he hasn’t even given her a proper goodbye…

Then she’s was there, kneeling over the seat in front of him and grabbing the back of his neck.

Their lips meeting feels like waves crashing against rocks, pushing and pulling, wild and wet as the universe bursts open behind Adam’s closed eyes. She tastes like cherries as her tongue sweeps over his, gently savoring the moment. All the air rushes from his lungs, out of his nose in a hot stream. He knows that as he kisses Nina, his mind is becoming melded and attached to the idea of them. Not just them in a casual sense, but the idea of them being more than friends, more than lovers. All of the emotional electricity that’s cackled between them sparks into a flame of passion and sets them both ablaze right there on the subway.

She’s breathless for a second when she pulls away, her chest moving up and down as she blinks against the harsh light overhead. “Wow,” she finally whispers, staring into him. “Please,” her voice is quiet, “don’t forget to call me.”

“I won’t,” he tells her, leaning forward to press against her once more before she disappears through the doors just before they slip shut.

Adam swallows hard; his lips stung by the kiss that lasted no more than a few seconds but had stopped time for what felt like hours. The world tips upside down but actually feels right-side-up for the first time in maybe ever. He’s never felt like this and by the way she had looked at him, he’s almost positive she feels the same. This isn’t about wanting to fuck her, though he’s opposed, rather he feels connected to someone in a way he’s never known is possible. All the self-doubt he’s felt just moments ago are all laid to rest as the train pulls forward. 

All he wants to do is jump up, yank the doors open, run to Nina and never leave her side again. He’s pushed people away before, he’s come to terms with being left and also leaving. He’s been lonely and content at times. In fact, he’s sometimes preferred being alone. When he’s alone, he can’t be hurt. Being alone is safe. But he has the sudden realization that he doesn’t want to be alone anymore, and he never wants to be alone again.

He wants to be with Nina, always.

Adam spends the rest of his train ride smiling at his palm and memorizing the number, just in case.


	2. Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! This is cross-posted and I've actually been getting some love on it. How exciting! If you enjoy the story, let me know! 
> 
> Now, let's see what Adam is up to now...

It feels as easy as breathing when he calls her that first time, falling back into an easy conversation. He can’t remember the last time he’s ever wanted to be on the phone with anyone longer than a few minutes, and only if absolutely necessary. When he has Nina on the phone, however, he wants to dive into the ripples of her words. He wants to hold his head under until he drowns in her, breathing her into his lungs.

Their first phone call lasts over an hour, every second filled with colors.

First, there’s pink; a light blush peaching his cheeks and nose when she sighs his name. Like a purr, rolling off of her tongue. The strawberry milk he’s drinking, a special treat to celebrate his new audition, cooling his mouth and buying him time to think of the perfect response with every gulp. She laughs and vows to drink his celebratory drink of choice with him out of wine glasses someday. Shades of champagne, cherry blossom, and magenta splashed across the surfaces of his apartment as the sun sinks low in the sky.

Deep oranges join the pink after a while, rose-colored lenses fading into tiger lily’s and catching his apartment on fire as it grows later. Heat flares through his body as he paces through the small rooms of his apartment, laughing at her jokes and smiling as he opens a window and leans out to smoke. She joins him across town, crawling onto her fire escape and curling next to a large plant as they both light glowing vermillion embers.

The smoke is grey, disappearing into a smoggy sky as he tells her about the people he watches walk by. He can almost see her smile, genuine as it reaches her storm-cloud eyes. They’re in stark contrast to his deep, dark eyes; balanced as they match one another’s gaze and the silver mixes with dark honey. Existing in the grey with one another. Floating in the “what is this” newness of mutual interest. He asks about her surroundings, what she sees outside of her window, flicking the ashes of his smoke to the concrete streets below.

Green. A lot of green, dotted with grey as Calvary Cemetery rises up a block from where she sits. She tells him about the trees, leafy and swaying gently in the breeze as she paints a picture for him with her words. He misses green, surrounded by steel unless he walks a block or so over, planted trees made to look like they’re cracking through the sidewalks springing up here and there. She offers to bring him some house plants, reassuring him that she’ll keep them watered when he jokes about his black thumb.

“I kill everything I touch,” he laughs.

“I hope not,” she catches his attention. “I’m not ready to die.”

Red, like lace on Valentine’s Day worn to arouse, and it works. Adam’s mind bleeds into thoughts of Nina’s skin, smooth and creamy porcelain as his large hands slide up her beautiful legs. Fever flaring through him and the blood pounding in his veins, rushing in his ears and pooling in his groin. She feeds his daydream, teasing him with the sounds of her eating a strawberry, dragging the fruit across her crimson painted lips.

He wants to taste the juice off her pout.

Then comes purple; the sky filters into deep hues of plum as the sun they’re both watching disappears into the horizon the longer they stay on the phone. Remembering the shade of sparkling lavender against his palm, Adam had almost lost the ability to call her as he jogged home that first night. Luckily, he’s memorized her phone number easily, and she applauds his spatial memory. She tells him her favorite flower offhandedly, Iris’s, and he makes a mental note to buy her the indigo buds, testing that same memory recall.

Blue, when she has to let him go as her roommate returns home. Shades of blue settling over him at how lonely and silent everything is when they disconnect, all alone again with too much time to overthink. Blue like his balls, seeking their own release, frustratingly tight just from the teasing lilt in her voice. Adam has to jack off, his towel a shade of turquoise when he’s finished.

Every day has been like this since, for over a week. One or the other texts in the morning, the other responding just as soon as they wake up, and then as the sun starts to set, they paint pictures together for as long as they can. It feels like a dream, really; like a secret world that he needs to protect for as long as possible.

If heaven is real, and he’d argue against it being so, he has to think it might be just like this.

Adam knows she waits for him to ask her to meet again. He knows that he should, that he wants to, but he just doesn’t. The swirling white tempest of immobilizing fear holds him back. He has to keep it safe, the snow pure and clean. If he presents this to the world, the world can destroy it. Then he thinks maybe who he needs to protect this from the most are the people that know him best, and know his weaknesses. He doesn’t think that Hannah will do anything to tear down what he’s building, having really worked on a friendship in the past year, but Jessa is a different story.

He sees her out, mermaid hair hanging around her waist as she puffs her own cigarette walking down the graffiti-tagged streets. He hasn’t laid eyes on her in over a month when he sees her that first time. He expects it to hit him hard, but…it doesn’t, not where it matters at least. He gets a sudden twitch in his lower abdomen, his body remembering Jessa in all the ways it wants to, but his heart doesn’t echo the same sentiment.

She smiles at him, reaches for his wrist, and pulls him into her with ease as her arms wrap around his waist. “My dearest friend,” she speaks against his chest. “I’ve missed you.”

Brown and mucky, that’s what Jessa feels like. Mud all over his shiny new boots. Not the brown that sets his eyes or turns his hair almost black until the sun hits it, but a dirty brown; shit smeared and splattered throughout a dog yard after the snow melts. She touches him, and his sparkle cracks and she seeps into him like tar and soil. Vinegar and oil.

It’s common knowledge that floods and droughts are mutually exclusive, impossible to occur at the same time. Adam knows this is bullshit. He’s the flood, overwhelming and dangerous. He tends to go with the flow and can become too much for anyone to handle almost instantaneously. Jessa is the drought; a desert of emotion that does what she can to suck every last drop of water out of him and dry him up. She destroys things. She sets fires and lets them burn. Together they should balance, but they don’t.

Instead, they create mudslides.

They meet in the middle, colliding and shaking the very ground they walk on. He knows he and Jessa bond over their addictions, a mutual understanding only someone else that has woken up in a gutter can understand. It provides them a powerful foundation filled with fissures. They can’t exist together without destroying everything in their path and in many ways they have.

Jessa lost Hannah, though the mousey girl keeps him around for some reason. He lost a year of his life and a lot of his furniture and personal belongings when they would fight. Adam isn’t violent toward other people, just himself mostly, but he can’t even count on one hand how many times he and Jessa threw things at one another. It’s unhealthy, regardless of the animalistic nature of their coupling. One of them always ends up really hurting the other, and not just emotionally. It’s volatile. They’re volatile together. There’s no other way about it.

“Hello,” he tells her, patting her back in a way similar to how he might burp Sample, not wanting to return the intimate embrace.

Jessa simply arches a brow, laughing off the awkwardness and not taking offense to it. She knows him, knows how uncomfortable he can be. He can tell she doesn’t like that he’s lost a level of comfort with her, feathers bristling, but Jessa isn’t one to give up easily. She asks him how he’s been, how his grandma has been, what he thinks of all the rain they’ve gotten lately.

The kind of small talk he fucking hates and Jessa knows it.

She maintains her touch on his wrist, casting a yellow glow to where her skin meets his. Regardless of the stain Jessa has left on his life, and he on hers if he’s being honest, he can’t deny that when they love, they love fiercely. Gold breaks through her filthy exterior, shining against him, her blonde waves catching the sunlight and shining against the muted backdrop of Brooklyn. He’s somewhere between hate and lust, walking a tightrope as his mind dances around with the good and bad images of Jessa simultaneously.

Then she asks the magic question, “so are you seeing anyone?”

Dark like her hair, so black it shines blue in the right light. He becomes consumed with it when he’s prompted to think of her. Some people fear the dark, inky black abyss, but Adam doesn’t. He loses himself in the twilight, in the absence of light, because he knows it’s nothing to be afraid of when it’s her. Nina is sin, but she’s love, too. Nina is dark, her aura sensual and musky, and she crashes around him and blots everything else out. Deep waters, unable to view the bottom of the pool, but he’s ready to dive in.

Jessa is gold, Nina is silver, and he no longer wants gold, preferring silver infinitely.

“I, uh, yes?” Her brow furrows as he considers his answer. To admit it is to allow someone in. He hasn’t really discussed the parameters of his and Nina’s relationship with her, having only seen her once but talking to her every day for over a week now, but inside he knows what she is. Adam knows that Nina isn’t just a conquest, a distraction from the dull world around him. “Yeah, yes. I’m seeing someone.” He is, or he will be.

He makes a commitment to ask Nina on a date as soon as he talks to her again.

Maybe it’s not his most confident statement of being, but he’s thought it through as he’s said it out loud and that’s good enough for him. It’s good enough for Jessa too, who’s stepped back at this point, his wrist cool, gold fading to silver where her fingers rested as she questioned him. She wants to know who he’s seeing, for how long, and if he thinks it’s serious. Adam’s fists clench at his sides at her intrusiveness, firing off her questions in rapid succession. Jessa has no right to any of the information she’s requesting and he makes sure she knows it. This is exactly what he’s afraid of when he thinks about Nina and exposing what they have to other people.

So be it.

He leaves Jessa calling out for him on the sidewalk.

Adam fucks up his audition after running into his ex, his mind wrapped around the pressure he feels. It’s like a vortex of confusion with the complexion of a dead fish; everything around him looks dull, the muted hues matte and flat. The air sticks to his lungs, causing his throat to feel tacky. He falls and stutters his way through his lines. Much unlike how he practiced, and he hasn’t gotten called back to read again.

Dark red and burnt orange, anger and pain. Disgust with himself for letting Jessa get to him, for letting her get to him when he’s promised himself that he wouldn’t. Why does she get to him? He isn’t connected to her anymore. He doesn’t want Jessa, he wants Nina, so how did she manage to worm her way back inside and fuck up his entire day? Then it hits him like a ton of bricks; he doesn’t give a shit about what Jessa can do to him; he’s scared about what she can do to Nina.

If Jessa gets to his dark angel, oh the stories she could tell.

The beautiful rainbow Nina decorates his life with can all be destroyed, washed away, ripped apart if she finds out who he really is. Nina is darkness, but she’s dotted with stars, galaxies in her eyes as they view the world in technicolor. She is watercolor splashed across a black canvas.

Adam is dark too, but he’s strange; darker than black, a pitched tone void of light at times. He doesn’t always act on his darkness, but when it takes over, he can forget that other people have emotions and lives, feelings that can be hurt. Jessa has seen him there, lost in the deep end, and he’s afraid that if Nina knows he can exist there then she’ll leave. If she can’t float, can’t swim in the dark, then Adam will sink to a watery grave by himself.

So, he clenches his jaw, tugs at his hair, stares at his phone as it dings from the counter, and tears through the carpet of his apartment as he paces back and forth. He shouldn’t ask her out, can’t let her see him again; not as his light burns out more and more when his mind dances with the darkness. He doesn’t deserve her; he doesn’t deserve her shades of life. It’s unfair of him to drag her under with him. He’ll hurt her; he knows he will. He’ll burn her out, steal her light too. He’ll blind her to the beauty that she sees in the world.

He ignores her texts all day and the next day, vowing to save her by keeping her away.

The third day he shoves his phone in the junk drawer on silent as she continues to try and talk to him. Torture. He’s a glutton for it.

One more day of radio silence before he can’t take it; before the dark becomes all-consuming and threatens to suffocate him. He tears the phone out of the drawer so fast he rips the knob off, pulling up her contact with shaky fingers.

She answers on the first ring, a bright flash of brilliant pigmentation permeating through the black and flecking it in a kaleidoscope of life and love with just the sound of her sweet voice saying his name. He expects her to be angry, to slash him open and bleed him dry. He wants her to yell at him for ghosting her. If she yells, maybe it will make him feel less guilty for thinking she deserves it. He has no idea how she has this power over him after just meeting two weeks before, but she does so to hell with logic.

He doesn’t lie to her. He tells her the truth. Adam tells her all about Jessa, word vomiting all over her as his emotional side rises up and he becomes crazed. He tells her about Hannah, and how she and Jessa had been friends. Nina listens in complete silence, her calm seeping through the phone and into his core. Adam lays down at her feet, spilling across the floor and staining the ground in dark hues. He admits that he’s terrified of her knowing the real him and that he even botched his audition at the fear of her leaving him. Then he’s immediately apologizing for assuming they’re together, but he wants to be.

She simply sighs, the smile in her voice evident.

“Darling,” she tells him, “you need to forgive yourself. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Adam bursts open, fractures in his hard façade chipping away; the subdued nature of the world swathed once again in tempera as her words engulf him. She isn’t mad. Concerned, yes, but not angry. He’s so used to everyone always being mad at him, he doesn’t think anything else has even been an option.

“Who you were and who you are don’t have to be the same, if you don’t want them to be,” she sings, the color returning to his field of vision and the breath filling his lungs with sweet oxygen. “I want to know you now, Adam.”

He’s so programmed to believe he’s wrong, will be wrong, can be wrong, but when she doesn’t confirm he is, he has to start believing that maybe he isn’t. It all but confirms his initial gut reaction to Nina, the pull that had him chasing her out of the bar that rainy night isn’t all in vain. His gut is wrong a lot, gets him into trouble and shit, but not this time. Adam is sure that this time it’s leading him where he needs to be.

He vows to never fade again; to be whoever he can for Nina, to be full of colors.

That’s how he finds himself standing in front of a picture of a busy street in Times Square, wearing a suit and tie that keeps choking him so he does his best to adjust it over and over. He's glad he'd chose to wear it at all if he's honest, choking or not because of the other people in this room: they're all glory and expensive fabrics. Adam adjusts his tie once more before studying the picture again.

The crowds of the photo filling the grey with cosmetics and life. In the middle of the craze stands a couple, two women, in a loving embrace. He thinks it’s beautiful; love exists even when everything around it is in a hurry and takes no notice. Next to it, another photo stands; lovers at Coney Island, smiling against the grey sky as the gentleman holds a giant stuffed unicorn that he surely won for the girl tucked under his arm.

Love. It’s all about love.

“I’ve been inspired,” she tells him, sliding up next to him. Her arm slips around his and her head leans against his arm. He’s surrounded by the sweet bergamot and jasmine of her perfume, notes of florals and citrus captivating him.

Adam smiles, eyes raking over the photograph that she had taken one more time before glancing down at the dark head of hair tucked against his olive jacket. It will be summer in a couple of months, and the days are warmer, but these nights still seem cool in comparison. At least it’s stopped raining. “I like them,” he reassures her. “They tell a story.”

She’d invited him to her gallery show. Well, it isn’t exactly hers as it’s a collection of photographers from New York, bidding for a corner of an old warehouse to display their work. She’d been chosen, and she’s been so excited. Adam was surprised when he had shown up and there were more well-dressed people than had been at Mimi-Roses exhibition almost two years ago. He doesn’t expect it to be such a big deal, but it is, and he’s beyond happy that Nina wants him here to help her cope.

“Mm, tell me about this one,” she ushers him to another of her photos, there are five altogether. “What story does it tell?”

Adam lets his eyes rake over the picture; a young couple, standing on the Brooklyn Bridge and adding a love lock to its steel fencing. Behind them are others rushing by on cell phones, bicycles, skateboards, etc. The sky is blue, clouds pearly and grey sketched across with heavy rain. The East River reflects the sun against its waves, glowing against the murky water heavy with pollution. He lets himself look, absorbs the still frame, just one small moment in the lives of these two strangers.

“It’s new,” he starts. “They haven’t been together long. Everything around them is rushed, everyone is too busy to notice this-this touching moment between lovers having just fallen.” She hums, content as she snuggles further against his side, encouraging him to continue. “It’s gonna rain. They know it, but they don’t care. They’ll dance in it if it starts to come down on them. All around them is dirty, polluted, but she thinks it’s all beautiful anyway because love tints everything with shades of color she’s never seen before. He doesn’t care because he’s with her, and…and she’s more beautiful than the entire city lit up at night and she’s all he can see. So, they slow down, and they declare their love; lock it to a dirty bridge over a dirty river surrounded by dirty people, because to them it’s perfect.”

“Then what?” She asks, and he realizes she’s looking up at him with grey eyes glistening under harsh fluorescent lighting.

Adam’s breath catches in his throat. He wants to kiss her. He wants to breathe her air, back and forth forever while they consume one another. He wants to be the couple in the picture, locking his love for this woman to the Brooklyn Bridge before returning to their Brooklyn apartment. He wants to make love to her, which strikes him immediately. Adam fucks. It takes a lot for him to love, especially at first. But she makes him want to. All love. All the time. Well, maybe fucking too but love first.

But it’s too soon, so he takes a deep breath and smiles. “Then they go home. It’s about to rain, you can see it in the clouds. They gotta, I mean, just because they would dance in it doesn’t mean they want to catch a cold.”

She laughs at him, her nose crinkling and a dimple forming on her right cheek as she agrees with him. He just smiles down at her, adoration seeping from his pores and wrapping her up as he becomes wrapped up in her too. Pictures, everywhere, and the most captivating thing in the room is one another as they connect over and over; a pulse beating between them in sync.

Adam is sure, with every fiber of his being, that everything and everyone before Nina was practice for him to have her. He’s positive that he belongs to her in every way, and that time merely exists to remind him that she’s only been in his life for two and a half weeks. This isn’t nearly long enough for him to feel the way he does, but it’s happened and now he’s looking forward to the next two and half weeks, years, decades; whatever amount of time he can get with Nina as they decorate their lives together with art.

She’s speckled with colors, and he’s been subdued for too long. Dipping his brush into her essence, he imagines they can create masterpieces together. He dreams of them dancing along the cool streets of New York, dying everything they touch. It’s graceful, the way they move, and he gets the feeling they’ve known one another their entire lives instead of the weeks it’s been so.

“You wanna get out of here?” She asks, her hand sliding down his forearm until her palm comes to rest against his own, fingers entwining with his much larger ones.

“Isn’t this your thing?” He questions, “can you leave?”

“I can leave,” she tells him as her thumb grazes the knuckle of his pointer finger. “They’ve all been sold.”

She says it so casually he thinks he’s misheard her. He looks down at her again before back at the picture, then back at her again. “They’ve, what?”

“Yeah,” she tries to hide her cheeky smile against the sleeve of his coat. “It’s um, it’s not a huge deal. I’ve never sold all of my photos before, but-eek!”

She’s squealing as he swoops and lifts her from around her hips, spinning her around until she falls forward over his shoulder and into a fireman’s hold.

“Adam!” She’s laughing, “put me down!”

“That’s amazing!” He gushes, “hey! She sold her photos!” He calls out loud enough for the people around them to glance over and smile politely.

They garner a few odd looks as he spins her again and congratulates her, loudly, and continues to spin her but he doesn’t care. This is a big deal for her, regardless of what she’s said. She’d been talking about this galleria the entire time he’s known her and now, now she’s sold every last picture she’s prepared and that is huge.

“I’m so proud of you,” he offers as he slides her back to the ground, making sure she’s steady before he stands back upright. She’s blushing, and he wants to kiss the peach tones right off her face. His eyes dart down to her berry-stained lips before they meet her silver orbs again.

She must have been thinking the same thing.

She pulls him into her, pressing onto the balls of her feet as he bends at his waist. They meet in the middle, crashing together and meeting every inch of one another down to their knees. It’s like the first time all over again, only better. Stars burst behind his eyes when her lips move against his, tightening her hold on him. There’s no rush, no one around them scurrying to get off the subway or onto the train. No more fear he’ll never see her again because, after today, he never wants to go a day without her aura melding with his. They sway a bit, their balance is questionable. His big hands come up to cup her cheeks, leaning forward more to deepen their kiss, her back arching gracefully as she dips back effortlessly and beautifully.

Then Adam remembers they’re in public, so he painfully lets out a stream of hot breath through his nose and steps back. Her eyelids are heavy with lust when she looks up at him with thick black lashes.

“Thank you,” she whispers, yanking his collar and kissing him again.

“Thank you,” he mumbles back against her mouth.

“For what?” She asks him, clearly amused as she pulls back enough to look up at him.

“For being you,” he tells her simply, kissing the tip of her nose. “And for inviting me here. This was important to you.”

“You’re important to me,” she answers, and if it were possible to melt into her skin then he would do it right here in front of everyone.

He’s grown aware that they’re still amassing attention from those left to muddle around the gallery, so he reaches for her hand again. “You wanted to get out of here?”

She nods, letting him pull her toward the front of the warehouse. “I’m starving. I’ve been so nervous all day I haven’t eaten a thing. I’m surviving off of coffee and a mint I stole from my bank earlier.”

“You poor thing,” he teases, frowning at her and earning him a roll of her eyes.

Adam pulls her out onto the sidewalk, an idea already forming in his mind where he wants to take her. Then he realizes that he’s met her here, and he hasn’t brought her flowers as he intends to on their first date (he remembers she loves iris’s).

He stops so abruptly she runs into him, looking up at him curiously. “Adam?”

“This isn’t our first date,” he tells her, licking his lips and bending forward a bit to get eye level with her. Her brow furrows, confused, so he continues. “I-I had a plan, for our first date. This isn’t it.”

“What is this then, creep?” She echoes the name they joked about the first night they met.

He smiles, dark eyes sparkling with the yellow-orange glow of the streetlamps above them. “This is-uh, this is us spending time together. Celebrating your success. Tomorrow though, tomorrow is our first real date. If you want that. Do you?”

“Are you asking me out, Adam Sackler?”

“Yeah, yes. If you’re up for it.”

“I’m always up for it if ‘it’ is spending time with you-“

“Not spending time with,” he reminds her, even though it’s technically the same thing. He just wants to be clear with her, because she deserves perfection. “That’s what we’re doing now. Tomorrow we go on a date.”

She stands there beaming her megawatt smile up at him, agreeing with a nod of her head. Adam’s heart beats fast and hard against his ribs, looking at this girl that has become the most important person to him. She’s hit him fast and hard, uprooting all of the miserable plans he’s had in store for himself. He can never thank her enough for merely existing, so he simply kisses her quickly before pulling her back along the path they’ve been walking, leaving a trail of colors in their wake.


	3. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam insisted they have a "real" first date. Curious how it goes? Keep reading...

She’s stunning when she answers the door to her apartment; black hair wavy and falling right above her shoulders, perfectly styled to do so. Her legs are wrapped in distressed denim, frayed edges sitting right at the start of her platform ankle boots. Adam’s eyes drag up every inch of her frame, lingering on the smooth strip of skin between the top of her skinny jeans and the hem of her crop top; black like the boots but with long sleeves of blue velvet to break up the dark cloth. Her eyes are perfectly lined, the grey almost glowing in the dark as her lips fall full and pouty, coated in a pale gloss.

“Hello love,” she greets, pushing onto her toes to peck his lips before she smiles up at him.

Adam knows beautiful women. He’s been with quite a few of them. He knows how to appreciate the feminine curves of a body, and he enjoys it quite a bit actually. It isn’t often that he’s left speechless, but when Nina opens the door and her scent rushes out to meet him, he has to take a second to compose himself, to make sure that he doesn’t come off like a bumbling idiot.

She’s surprised when he pulls out the bouquet of irises and holds them out to her, a sheepish smile adorning his features. She takes the flowers, kisses him again, and invites him inside so that she can put them in water as she gushes about how thoughtful he is.

“I’ve never gotten flowers before,” she tells him and his brows raise high on his forehead. “Well,” she gestures to the rest of her flat, various plants cover a lot of the surfaces, “not from anyone but myself and a few friends. Thank you, love, you’re so thoughtful.”

Adam wants to buy her flowers every day. He actually has a difficult time believing that no one’s done something so simple for her because if anyone deserves to be adorned with beautiful flowers it’s Nina. He learned with Hannah that flowers were a small, thoughtful gesture that can turn someone’s entire day around. Hannah loved flowers, even if she had a bad habit of leaving them lying around on her counters to die instead of nurturing them for as long as possible.

Nina pulls out a dark green vase, with every intention of keeping these iris alive for as long as possible and Adam can’t help but think of the metaphor behind it; Hannah lets things die, and Nina fosters growth.

He smiles to himself, admiring her space, looking at pictures and charming décor when a doorknob clicking catches his attention. He sees a fiery looking redhead come into the apartment, bags hanging off her arms and heels clicking against the hardwood.

“You would not believe the shite day I’ve had,” the girl mumbles in an accent Adam can’t decide is Scottish or Irish. She clearly doesn’t notice she has company. “Three fucking times I almost die. Shite ass city drivers. Bout had it and yell at the las’ car that I’m gonna tear his fuckin’ di-oh!” She startles when she catches sight of Adam standing near the little kitchen table just as he decides she’s definitely Irish. “Who da fuck are you?”

“Ash, this is Adam,” Nina rounds the table, stifling a laugh as she links her arm through his and brushes her chest against it. This has become a habit of hers, linking herself to him, and he’s in no way upset by it. “Adam, this is my roommate Ashley.”

Adam watches as the freckled girl, who he acknowledges as quite attractive herself (he quickly pushes the thought of Nina and Ashley scissoring out of his mind, though he’ll file it away for a time he might need it later), tries to manage her wild hair by tucking it behind her ears, curls popping free. She looks frazzled, and by the way she’s groaning, he has to guess she’s just gotten home from a bad day at work.

“Adam? THE Adam?” Ashley smiles, “it’s nice to finally meet you. I was beginning ta wonder if you were real or if Nina here had spun a tale.”

“I’m real,” he assures her, offering a hand for her to shake. She goes in for a hug instead, and he actually lets her, something he hasn’t been so inclined to allow so easily before with others. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Jesus you’re fucking tall,” she says before wincing. “Sorry, I-I cuss…a lot. Me mum calls it a nasty habit. Imagine if she knew I smoke weed too.”

Adam actually laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling. He likes Ashley, he can already tell. Then again, if she’s living with Nina then she must be tolerable. He trusts his girl's taste in almost anyone over his own. “I fucking swear a lot too, no worries.”

“Ah, I like you, Adam. Good choice Nina baby.” Ashley winks at the pair.

Nina has a short conversation with Ashley, filling her in on their plans for the evening. She actually invites Adam to be part of it, and when she doesn’t reprimand him for his quirky responses, he grows more comfortable. Adam realizes quickly that Ashley isn’t quite as refined as Nina, but she is more than passable as company and he hopes he gets to spend more time getting to know her. He assumes as Nina’s best friend he’s going to eventually be around her more often and he’s okay with that.

He remembers being around Hannah’s friends when they were dating. She kept trying to force him to be around them as much as possible, and he resisted for as long as he could. When he finally caved, tired of the screaming matches with Hannah, he felt like he was a constant burden or unwanted. Adam acted like he didn’t hear Marnie tell Hannah he’s a creep, that she deserved better, but he did. He always heard them talk when he walked out of a room. To be fair, Hannah did probably deserve better at the beginning, and he could definitely be creepy, but he can’t change any of that now. Hannah’s friends are, for the most part, pretentious snobs that he went along with for Hannah’s sake, but he was grateful he only saw them on his own accord now.

Ashley, Adam quickly realizes, is nothing like any of Hannah’s friends. She stops and looks at him when he’s talking, something people take for granted until they realize just how much eye contact is avoided in everyday conversation. She doesn’t shy away from what he’s saying, or look at him like he’s sprouted another head when he’s blunt with her. She and Nina just smile and nod at his words, encouraging him to say what he pleases. Truly liking his significant other's roommate is a real first for him, but only if he doesn’t count Ray as one of Jessa’s roommates when they all lived together. As short-lived as that had been.

“Should I expect ya for breakfast?” Ashley asks in that accent he’s growing fonder of, walking to her cupboard and taking down a wine glass as Nina tells her they have to leave.

“Behave,” Nina scolds but smiles as she leads Adam toward their front door.

“I should tell ya the same thing,” Ashley retorts, bringing the wine to her lips and sipping as she eyes the pair in front of her, wagging her eyebrows in their direction.

“I like French toast.” Adam winks, a twinkle in his eye.

It’s all comfortable, the three of them melding into a working dynamic that’s organic and natural and when they do finally leave, he tells Nina that he enjoys Ashley. That makes her happy, and she tells him the story of how they’d found one another as they catch their cab back over to Brooklyn; Ashley had been a nude model in one of Nina’s painting classes in college, and the pair had hit it off immediately when the ginger girl had given one of her classmates the bird when she’d been scolded for smoking. Ashley had needed a roommate so she didn’t have to go back to Ireland (he gave himself a mental high five for being right about her comings).

“We’ve been blissfully living together since,” Nina smiles.

It’s just as easy as it always is, falling into a flirtatious, comfortable way of just existing with one another. The cab ride is far too short, and before he knows it she’s following him out of it, tucking her hand into his as he leads her toward the restaurant; a little deli type diner he had picked because it isn’t often over the top busy, but the vibe is good and there’s a killer high top on the second floor with views of the busy streets down below.

He’s been here a few times; it’s not far from a park he likes to go jogging through and it’s just a few more blocks past there where he lives. Adam’s trying not to think of how close his apartment is, how close his bedroom is and in relation to his bed as he follows Nina up the stairs to the second floor of the restaurant. He tries not to stare at her ass, he really does, but it’s a lost cost because it just looks fantastic in the jeans she chose to wear.

Just like that, his thoughts are right back to what he likes to do in his bedroom.

She’s in awe of their spot; the little high top he likes to sit at so he can have a good view of the fountain that dances just outside. She’s peeking out the window and Adam gets lost as he’s watching a smile tug at the corner of her lips. He pulls a seat out for her and smirks as she wiggles onto the stool. She’s taller than his ex’s, her shoes adding a couple of inches to her frame, but she’s still too short to sit in one swift motion on the taller chair. She catches him and swats playfully at his arm.

“We can’t all be born to giants,” she snickers and he shrugs.

They have a short conversation about their heights (he learns she’s 5’5”) and she jokes about “climbing him like a tree” when she learns he’s almost 6’4”. He invites her to try, and the air around them shivers as her brow arches in a way meant to challenge him.

Then the waiter shows up, shattering the mood, and Adam’s fist clenches a little under the table.

Nina, however, is smiling when he orders his usual seltzer water and lime, expecting her to order something fruity like he’d seen her drinking at the bar that first night. He’s since learned that it was alcohol-free, just orange and cranberry juices with a few drops of lime and cherry from some of their previous conversations. She likes to have a drink every now and again, but she much prefers staying sober and he really appreciates that.

“Do you have strawberry milk?” Nina asks with all seriousness, watching the waiter laughing before he realizes that she isn’t joking. Adam just stares at her.

“Um, we- I can make it, yes?”

“I’ll have a carafe of your best strawberry milk please, and two wine glasses along with a glass of ice water. Thank you,” she flashes a smile at the man (Adam thinks his name is Mark but he isn’t positive) as he leaves to fetch their drinks.

Adam realizes what she’s doing; having promised him she’d drink his celebratory drink of choice out of wine glasses to celebrate the audition he had, and then botched completely. As if she can read his thoughts she beams, “just because you didn’t get the part, doesn’t mean I’m going to break my promises to you and we can’t celebrate that you had the audition at all.”

She’s got him. She’s totally got him, and for a second, he feels light-headed because of how thoughtful she’s being just by…well, just by being herself. He isn’t used to this. He’s always been the thoughtful one in relationships, or he’s tried to be. It’s not something he usually has happen for him. He can feel the distrust building inside of him, but he shoves it away and does his best to focus on Nina and the way her eyes sparkle under the soft glow of the restaurant.

They’re laughing about something when Matt (not Mark) brings them their drinks, placing their orders with him before she reaches for the milk and pours him the first glass.

“What do we toast to?” He asks, sitting up with better posture and bristling like he’s a man of culture; presenting an air of integrity with his wine glass of strawberry milk and a dark grey tee shirt that has a small hole in his left armpit. He’s debated on wearing it but ultimately decided he really likes the fit and he could hide the hole with his jacket. Now that he isn’t wearing his jacket, he reminds himself not to lift his left arm and switches the glass to his right instead.

“To you of course!” She mocks surprise that he hasn’t guessed this already, shifting her posture to mime his, sticking her nose slightly in the air and adopting a prudish tone.

“To us,” he corrects, adopting the same tone, and she nods in his direction as she clinks her glass to his and sips the milk.

They both burst into a fit of giggles, and Nina snorts softly, her cheeks flaming to life when the piggish noise leaves her. “I can’t believe I just exposed my snort to you,” she says, still laughing softly.

“That was the cutest snort I’ve ever heard,” Adam tells her honestly, and Nina’s pearly teeth sink into her bottom lips as she smiles.

Their food comes too soon, or maybe not soon enough but he wouldn’t know. He’s lost in Nina; lost in her words and her stories, her little snorts of laughter. He’s enamored by the way she uses her hands to talk, letting them flit around her face to emphasize her point when she thinks it’s important. He can listen to her talk all night. He hopes he gets the chance.

He wants to invite her back to his apartment after this. He wants to see where this night leads. His blood is constantly pumping through his veins. Adam is a red-blooded man, and Nina is unbelievably fuckable…but…even thinking that about her feels wrong. No, not wrong, fucking Nina can’t be wrong. It feels Adam thinks, second to actually connecting with her on a less physical plane. That’s a strange concept for him to try and grasp as he carries on a decent conversation with this incredible creature, and he’s positive he’s in love with her.

Adam wants to spend the rest of his life learning how to touch her, and what spots on her body make her moan louder than others. He plans on taking full advantage of lazy afternoons with her locked away in either of their bedrooms once she gives the okay, but he isn’t in a rush. Sex is something he’s always used as a distraction from, well, basically everything, but he doesn’t want to be distracted anymore. He wants to be present and enjoy this.

He wants to enjoy her mind, not just her body.

But he’s definitely planning on enjoying her body, too. As soon as she lets him.

He may not be in a rush, but he’s certainly not going to say no if she wants him too.

“So where exactly do you live, Adam?” Nina leans forward after their meals are done, a glint in her eye and he suddenly wonders if she can read minds. They decline dessert, Adam wanting to take a walk with her through his park and buy her ice-cream instead.

“Not far,” he tells her, counting a few bills out and tossing them on the table. He’s left enough to cover their bill and then some for Mike? Mark? No, not Mark. Matt? He’s barely paid attention to the man, distracted all night by Nina, which has him feeling pretty bad. He likes to treat his servers well, which might have something to do with the almost 50% tip he leaves. “Two blocks over from the park I want to take you to.”

She nods, holding his stare as her tongue darts out to swipe at a few drops of water on her lip when she stands. He’s watching her mouth and she catches him, grinning like the cat who caught the canary. His breath hitches as she saunters toward him, sliding her hand against his and pushing up onto her toes to catch him in a kiss. They linger against one another, not deepening the embrace because they’re both aware they’re surrounded by strangers in a place they very much would like to return to someday. She’s sweet, and she smiles against him. He smiles too, and when she steps back, he pulls her against him once more, tucking her into his side and wrapping an arm around her shoulder as he leads her out of the restaurant.

They walk in silence, but it’s not anywhere near uncomfortable. It’s two people, eased against one another, warm where their bodies meet and totally content. Adam breaths in deep, the air even cleaner when he takes it into his lungs. Nina makes everything around him better, brighter.

He isn’t sure what he’s done in his life to deserve this. If he stops long enough to think about it, he’ll remember that he doesn’t, and that will send him into a full-blown panic attack, so instead, he leads her along to the places he jogs and buys her a sea salt caramel ice cream cone. He gets pistachio, and they steal tastes of each other’s flavors. He licks her hand when the beige cream leaks down it and she squeals in laughter and smears the cream along his cheek, leaning up to lick it clean after.

Before he realizes it, the sun has completely set and things start to shut down but neither of them seems to be slowing. He thinks of ending the night, and a pit grows in his belly. “I’m not ready to say goodbye,” he admits to her with a tilt of his head.

“So, don’t,” she tells him, pushing closer to him and gazing up with pupils that are just a smidge bigger than they should be. “Take me to your place.”

Her voice is low and sultry; he understands what she’s saying underneath the mischievous sparkle in her eyes, and his breath catches in his throat. He does a quick mental checklist to make sure he hasn’t left a ton of bullshit laying around and the place doesn’t stink. He thinks there’s probably some laundry in the living room, maybe some dishes sitting around but he thinks it should be safe enough.

Adam leads her through the park, only a few minutes separating them from being alone.

He might have a lifetime to learn her body, but he’s all for starting now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned to find out what happens when they get back to Adam's apartment ;)


	4. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Pure smut, and no shame y'all. If that isn't your thing, skip ahead. If it is your thing, we would get along just swimmingly. LOL.

Adam is warning her as they take the stairs three stories up to his apartment. He’s telling her it might be a little messy, how it’s not as nicely decorated as her place. He’s growing more self-conscious the closer they get to his door. She must realize it because she stops him before he can get his key in the lock.

“I don’t care what it looks like,” Nina tells him earnestly. “I’ll love it because it’s yours.”

He nods, leans down to kiss her quickly, and turns back to his door. Her eyes got a little wider when he finally opens it, walking inside and glancing around at the space. He watches her, moving through his living room and touching his woodworking bench. She smiles a little when she crouches to look at some of the blocks he’s made, biting her lip when she runs her fingertips over the dark cherry before pushing herself back up to standing. 

“It’s no wonder you always smell just a little like lumber,” she teases, flashing him a smile over her shoulder before turning back toward his mustard yellow couch.

She looks good in his space. She’s dark, a shadow moving against the hodgepodge of mismatched shapes and colors of his apartment. She’s fluid, gliding against the worn carpet and fitting in with his collection of odds and ends. Nina belongs here, with him.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he admits to her as she surveys his home. He’s not sure why he admits this out loud, but he does and now he can’t take it back. She doesn’t answer him, but she does turn toward him. “I-You should move in,” he tells her before his brain can filter what his mouth is about to say. 

Nina doesn’t move, and Adam thinks this is it. He’s crossed some boundary, pushed her away. They’ve only known one another a month now, even if it feels like a lifetime. This is their first real date, and he’s admitted too much. He’s told her too much. This is Adam, the flood. He knows this is him becoming too much for someone to handle, too quickly. He’s going to drown her. He doesn’t know why he does this, why he becomes uncontrolled and desperate-

Her hand on his cheek stops his mind from unraveling, brings him back to right here, right now. 

He crashes back to reality. Adam’s standing in his apartment, with Nina, for the first time, and she’s smiling up at him like he hasn’t just made an unbelievable request of her. He has no idea what she’s thinking, but her grey eyes are filled with smoke and her pupils are dilated just a little. He wants to ask her what’s on her mind, but then she’s leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his lips and the hand on his cheek starts to dance down his neck, his chest, his stomach. His breath catches when she reaches the top of his jeans, and the pads of her fingers reach under the hem of his tee and brush his skin.  
Adam is scorching hot. Where her fingers press into him, the flames lick from the inside out. Their eyes lock when she pulls back, and he can’t even fathom tearing his orbs away from hers. She’s staring into his soul, landing on his groin. He feels a tug at the button of his pants, and he’s already semi-erect under the denim. She pauses, and he realizes she’s waiting for him to give her the okay. He considers his options for just a minute.

He’s been imagining her naked all night. If he’s being honest, he’s been imagining her naked from the moment he first saw her across the room at that Manhattan bar. Adam’s been battling a naked demon, and he’s been okay with not winning because he knows how important this girl is. He knows he’ll have a lifetime with her if he plays his cards right, so this hasn’t seemed like something he needs to push. He’s accepted that. He’s been okay with waiting if that’s what she wants to do…but now her hands are on the clasp of his jeans and she’s looking at him with heavy lashes and a lusty gaze. He realizes his need for chivalry has been his own, and Nina is requesting something entirely different.

Adam pins the demon he’s been fighting, and with a nod of his head, Nina is on her knees in front of him.

She works his button and zipper fast, and Adam feels himself spring free after just a minute. He expects her to pause like they all do when they first see him. Adam knows he’s well endowed. He’s fucking 6 foot 3 and built like a tree, how could he not be? If he’s being honest, it makes him roll his eyes sometimes when girls tell him he’s big. Like he doesn’t already know. It’s not that he doesn’t like hearing it, he does, and he talks about his “big cock” when he loses himself in dirty talk, but it’s the same reaction over and over. 

So, when Nina doesn’t pause, and her tongue glides over his swollen head Adam hisses and nearly crumples on top of her as his knees threaten to buckle.

She takes him as far as he’ll go until he hits the back of her throat, then she swallows and takes him even further. She moves like a pro, bobbing back and forth. Her hands work the base of his shaft, using her own spit to glide over the sensitive skin where her mouth won’t reach. Adam is blown the fuck away and she’s only been sucking his dick for like two minutes. He’s had good head before, but the way Nina does it takes the cake. She has no fear, no hesitation as she gobbles him down and works him with expert precision. 

Adam can stand here all night and let her suck him off if he can manage to stay upright. His hands find her hair, tangling in the raven waves and guiding her movements. He wants it faster. He wants to fuck her mouth, slide down her throat and make her gag. He’s coming undone, the gentleman in him disappearing. He gently pushes forward, a low growl sounding in his throat, but the gag doesn’t come from her. Instead, she moans against him and the vibration finally causes him to collapse to the floor in front of her, ripping his hands from her hair and her mouth from his cock as the jeans still around his thighs cause him to do so less gracefully than he’d hope.

Nina’s cheeks are flushed, her lips full and parted, shiny and pouty. Her grey eyes are glazed and her tongue darts out just as Adam closes the distance between them and consumes her. They tangle together, limbs and tongues pushing and pulling, grabbing and grasping. Breathing each other’s air as they rush to throw off the rest of the clothing keeping them from feeling their skin against the others. Adam doesn’t want to detach himself from her, only doing so long enough when her hands burn a trail against his abdomen to push his shirt up to his chest. He reaches behind him, grabbing at the fabric between his shoulder blades and yanks it up and over his head.

She’s tugging at her own shirt when the grey of his clears his vision, and he’s the one to pause when her body becomes more exposed. She’s absolutely fucking perfect. Creamy pale curves and taunt muscles, fleshy bits he can’t wait to make jiggle and pieces of navy lace covering the parts of her he wants to taste as she wriggles and works her own jeans down her hips. 

He feels manic, reaching for her again and meeting her mouth with his once again. He tugs her against him hard, their teeth accidentally clashing but neither of them care. Adam’s hands slide down over her ass and squeezed, his fingers digging into the flesh. He feels his erection press against her stomach, and just as she’s finally managed to push her denim off of her, an impressive feat seeing as she’s been virtually attached to him the entire time, he’s lifting her against him. Her legs find his hips, wrapping around them as he pushes off the ground, not caring for the carpet burn he’ll get if they stay there, and lifts them. 

Adam’s head is consumed by Nina, nipping at the stubbled skin of his jaw and his earlobe. His hands travel up the bare expanse of her back as he makes his way to his couch in three big strides, yanking her head back and shoving his tongue against hers one more time before he drops her. She gasps, not expecting to fall from 6 feet, but Adam has to get out of these jeans and he can’t do that with her perched on his hips. 

He’s brought to an abrupt halt when she brings one of her slim hands down to her pussy and slowly starts to rub herself through the lacy fabric. 

He’s frozen, watching her well-manicured fingers brush up and down her slit, barely visible through her panties. Her other hand comes up to her breast, squeezing it before she yanks at the fabric and exposes one of her peachy-pink buds to him. Then she’s pinching it between her fingers, rolling it around, and Adam remembers what he’s supposed to be doing. But, he’s frozen and watching Nina play with herself only awakens his primal instinct.

“Take them off,” he orders, his voice low and commanding.

She obeys immediately, reaching behind her to unhook her bra before shimmying out of her undies. He watches as she pulls her knees to her chest, lace skirting her beautiful legs as she removes her underthings. Then she’s leaning back on his cushions again, her legs falling open gracefully and unabashed. Nina knows how stunning she is, Adam can tell by her hygiene and how she’s smirking while he watches. She’s clean and smooth, a dark triangle of well-managed, short hair entices him even further. He’s never really cared what a woman wants to do with her own pubic hair, her body her choice and all, but he can appreciate a well taken care of quim; he himself keeps his own pubic area nice and trimmed. Nina’s is pink and pretty, shining just a bit the wetter she gets. 

Adam has a sudden urge to smell her. 

“Now what?” She’s asking, challenge on the tip of her tongue and nails just barely raking against the skin of her inner thigh.

Adam’s thought about this moment for a long time. He’s thought about sex with Nina, what it will be like. He’s thought about making love to her, burying himself inside of her and making her feel connected to the entire universe. He’s dreamt of making her cry out his name, cum for him while he whispers sweet nothings into her ear. He’s imagined being gentle and taking his time, holding onto the passion for as long as possible. He’ll do that. He’ll make sweet love to her, someday. Not today, though. 

Today, Adam is going to fuck her. 

He’s going to rail into her, make her scream. She’s going to cum, and then he’s going to make her cum again and again until she’s begging him to stop because she can’t anymore. He’s going to mark her skin, sink his teeth into her flesh, and bruise her with his bites. He feels like an animal, heart beating wildly against his chest. He feels like a predator, a carnivore, and Nina is his prey.

“Touch yourself,” he tells her, eyes dark.

Nina’s fingers immediately land on her clit, eliciting a small moan from her and a low growl from Adam as he slowly fights with the jeans still clinging to his legs. She knows how she likes to be touched, working herself in small circles before dipping a finger inside of her hole and dragging it back up to her sensitive bud. He’s observing her, memorizing the way she’s fingering herself so that he can do it later. Her movements become faster when Adam’s standing again, completely naked with his cock in his hand, stroking himself along with her.

“You wanna fuck me, Adam?” She asks, voice low and breathy as she adds another finger to the one already buried inside of her cunt.

“Yes.” He doesn’t hesitate, tugging at his cock faster. “You want me to fuck you, Nina?”

“Yes,” she moans, eyelids growing heavy.

“Yeah,” Adam’s voice is strained, his molars beginning to grind as he fights to remain in control. “You want me to fuck you with my big cock?”

“Mm, yeah. I want your big cock inside my pussy.”

“I’ll fuck your pussy-“

“Fuck it like you fucked my mouth-ahh!”

That’s it, that’s all he can take. He’s stroking so fast his bicep starts to hurt and they’re both breathing hard, staring at one another and practically snarling. If he doesn’t get inside of her he’s going to squirt into thin air, so he’s lunging at her, pressing her back into the cushions and lowering himself on top of her before he can embarrass himself. She pushes up to meet him, catching him in a searing kiss and practically sucking the tongue from his mouth. 

Adam’s hard against her thigh as they make out, tasting as much of the other’s mouth as possible, the head of his cock rubbing against her wet opening. She’s grabbing his hair, his neck, digging her nails down his shoulders and back. Then he tastes her, the fingers of her other hand, the fingers that had been sunk inside of her, coming between their kiss to mingle with their tongues. She tastes sweet and salty, and he smells her honey musk as they lick her fingers clean together.

Adam doesn’t think he’s ever felt this way; a combination of extreme horniness and total infatuation, love, and pure lust. He’s definitely been in love. He’s been horny, and he’s been so turned on he might explode but fucking hell if he’s been this lost in another human being before now. The way she tastes, smells, feels while she moves underneath him, all of it makes him forget about reality. They exist together on a different plane, one where the head of his cock slides just inside of her tight hole and they both groan.

“Do I-do I need a, a condom?” Adam breathes, pressing into her just enough to start stretching her. His head falls to her shoulder and he’s planting open mouth kisses along her skin, salty as it starts to condense with sweat.

“Uhn, not if, fuck Adam,” she tries, and fails, to answer. Her legs come up to wrap around his waist and she’s grinding herself against him, fucking the bit of him that’s barely inside of her. She takes a deep, shivering breath and tries again, “not if you don’t, mm, don’t want one.”

“Are you on birth control?” He asks, biting the tender flesh under her right ear. He’s brushing the hair from her face and kissing along as he goes, pressing into her even more. The head of his cock is almost completely inside of her now and it’s taking so much for him to not just sink completely in, but he practices self-control because if he doesn’t, he’s going to burst open.

“No,” she tells him, both of her hands traveling down his back to the dimples right above his ass. “But you can cum wherever you want.”

That’s it, that’s all the okay he needs to push the rest of the way inside of her in one swift move. They both moan, loudly, and her nails dig into him where they had come to rest just a moment before as her face screws shut at the stretch. He sits deep and thick inside of her, filling her up and then some. He feels her walls, feels her hugging him. Adam rests for a minute, allowing her to adjust to him and taking in her warm, wet, tight core. She’s like wet silk; satin and iron hugging his cock.

Then their eyes meet when hers open again, blown out grey iris’s locking with black, and he sees the command in the way her nose crinkles and she grits her teeth at him. She lifts her head, pressing her forehead against his, then it’s falling back against the couch pillow with a howl as he starts to move, slow at first, but quickly speeding up when she pushes her hips up to meet his downward thrusts.  
Adam’s not wasting time. He glides in and out of her easily, slick with her juices. They melt into one another, moving like they’ve been doing this more than just this once. She’s lifting her legs higher, drawing them up near her chest. He sits back, grabbing the back of her thighs and pushes them as he leans over her, fucking at a furious pace. They’re loud, both of them as they grunt and groan, scream and cry, fucking and swearing and growling. 

“You like this?” He forces, teeth clenched. “You like how I fuck you?”

She can’t form words, but she’s nodding furiously and her eyes are rolling back in her head. Adam drops one of her legs and leans forward, putting his weight onto his hand as her other leg rests against his shoulder. The angle hits different, and he’s gulping and gasping at how impossibly tight she is. 

He slips out of her by accident, “fuck.”

“I’m so close,” she whispers, her knuckles bumping into his as they both reach between them to guide his length back inside of her. “Oh fuck,” she hisses when he does, eyes fluttering closed. “Fuck me, Adam,” she demands and he’s on top of it.

“Come on,” he growls at her, his hips pistoning in and out fast and hard.

“Adam!” She’s moaning his name.

“Fuck, Nina!”

“I’m gonna cum-“

“Yes!”

“Adam I’m gonna cum!”

She goes silent just as her pussy squeezes him so hard he almost pops out again. He’s trapped in the vice between her legs, pulsing, and pumping. She looks stunning as she cums, losing control of every one of her senses until she’s gasping for air again. Her head falling back against the cushion, eyes now unfocused and the sweat making her glisten. He wants to see it again, wants to feel her cum and hear her scream. 

“Gonna make you cum again,” he forces out between clenched teeth, fighting to make sure he doesn’t go himself.

Adam drops her leg from his shoulder, propping himself up on both hands and staring down at her as he bounces them against the cushions of his couch. His apartment fills with the sound of their skin slapping, wet noises, and grunts. Her fingers dig into his forearms, the muscles of his arms rock hard against her touch, rippling with every push of his hips.

“Mm, fuck. Uhnn!” Nina finds her voice. “You fuck me so good!”

“I love your pussy,” Adam growls. “So good. So fucking tight.”

Nina’s legs start to quiver against him, shaking and pulling up even higher on their own. Her body is reacting independently to his dirty talk, opening wider for him to take from her whatever he wants. She’s so close again, mumbling incoherently as she brings a hand down to her clit. Her toes curling and uncurling as Adam picks up the pace one more time, his hips practically a blur.

“Fuck!” she roars. “Ah! Fuck! Uhn! Adam!”

He doesn’t slow, doesn’t stop ramming into her, hard and deep, the sound of his skin meeting hers echoing and bouncing off the walls. Adam loves this. He loves to make her scream. Then she’s raising her head to her knees, her eyes screwing shut and her mouth opening once again in a silent scream. He feels it, feels her orgasm rip through her, stronger this time. He fucks through the squeeze she has on him, fucks her right through the intensity of her peak before he falls down on top of her.

She accepts him, kissing him and wrapping her arms around him as she comes down, inhaling hard through her nose. She’s completely spent and she’s clinging to him for dear life. Their bodies are sliding against one another’s, covered in sweat. Adam feels the familiar tingle at the base of his spine, his balls tightening where they smack against Nina’s ass. He’s losing his rhythm fast, his hips jutting out of control. 

“Cum for me,” she whispers into his ear, each syllable punctuated by his thrusts. “Come on baby.”

And he does, he has no choice. She’s too much. He slips out of her just in time and spills his seed across her lower tummy, watching as it coats her. He’s loud about it, something that’s become a theme for them over the course of this session, and it takes a full minute before he can fall back onto the cushions near her feet. His body is hot, overheated. Hers is flushed too, her chest rising and falling as she relaxes in the position she’s been in since this started. He smiles, watching as his cum starts to turn a milky white as it cools against the air. 

“You okay?” He asks, his voice cracked, a hand coming to rest on her knee. He needs water, and to clean himself up. He’s sure she could use both of those things too.

“Mm, yeah,” she mumbles. “That was fucking fantastic.”

She’s smiling when he glances over at her. It’s contagious, and his face is splitting into a grin. She’s absolutely breathtaking right now, covered in sweat and his cum. Her skin is practically glowing, her dark hair in a tangled halo around her head. Post-orgasm Nina is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, so he vows to make it a point to see her this way as often as possible. 

“I’ll be right back,” he tells her after a minute, giving her knee a gentle squeeze and she just sighs with contentment.

Adam pushes himself up, stumbling just a little as he tries to gain his bearings. She’s giggling at him as he walks away, and he’s smirking. Heading into his bathroom first, wetting a washcloth and wiping himself down. He’s thinking about her splayed out on his couch as he moves through to his kitchen and starts to get together a glass of ice water for her, deciding on milk for himself. 

He’s positive he’s in love. He knew he was before, felt himself drawing near her, but now that they’ve had sex he’s absolutely, without a doubt, head over heels in love with Nina. He isn’t going to let her go, not now or ever. Adam belongs to her, and she belongs to him. He’s not sure if they even need to have the conversation about their status anymore, confident as she watches him with dreamy eyes move back toward her, that she feels the same and belongs to him too. She has to. There’s no doubt in his mind anymore, and it brings him peace and calm.

Well, mostly calm. His heart is still threatening to beat right out of his chest.

“Thank you,” she’s genuine as he gives her the washcloth, dragging it across her skin and wiping his sperm off of her. Then she’s sitting up, taking the water as he crosses the room and throws open the window to let in some fresh air. He sits next to her again, leaning his head back and willing his breathing to return to normal. Then her head is resting on his shoulder, and he’s smiling toward his ceiling.

“So,” she says, a teasing lilt to her voice as he turns his head enough to kiss her crown. “What happens now?”

“You never leave,” he tells her simply.

“Besides that,” she says, but she’s nodding her head in agreement.

He feels her breasts press against his arm and his sticky cock twitches where it rests against his thigh. “We fuck until we can’t move,” he offers.

Adam can’t see it, but he feels her smile against the crook of his neck.

He’s going to be so sore in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, is it hot in here? Leave me a comment, leave me a kudos, leave me whatever you please if you enjoyed Adam and Nina's first romp! Aye!


	5. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Smut...again. Sorry (I'm not sorry). Thanks for everyone who has left a comment or a kudos. I hope you continue to enjoy the story of Nina and Adam!

He can’t catch her. No matter how fast he runs, she’s always just out of his reach. He’s been chasing her through unfamiliar streets, something not totally unusual living in a city like New York but still unsettling. He calls for her but she doesn’t stop running, doesn’t turn around to even look at him. She just keeps running faster and faster. He’s losing her now. She’s too quick, too far gone and her raven hair starts to disappear into the distance. Adam is becoming desperate, trying so hard to reach her but suddenly he’s tangled in something.

Nina, please don’t leave me.

He’s struggling against invisible forces, his legs refusing to move. He’s stuck, and she’s getting away. She doesn’t stop for him or wait. She just runs and he’s trying so hard to run too…but then, then he’s aware of something soft against him. What is that? Adam feels his body shudder, but he’s so focused on Nina in the distance. He can’t lose her, but he is. She’s almost gone.

No. Please come back.

Adam sits up with a start, the breath catching in his throat and the light from outside absolutely blinding him. “Fuck!” he hisses against the harsh onslaught of morning sun against his pupils, immediately squeezing his eyes shut again. He’s trying again, squinting and blinking like a baby deer to allow himself time to adjust to the sunshine. He’s in bed. It’s all been a dream. The sheets are tangled down around his ankles and he’s covered in a thin layer of sweat.

It’s humid; the early morning sun of late spring bringing with it heat and moisture. Adam’s contemplated moving to a first-floor flat many times, usually when he’s waking up hot and ornery, but he’d be nuts to give up this place. Not only does he actually have bedrooms, but his rent is almost a full grand cheaper than other places he’s looked. Besides, he’s been here since he’s moved to New York (with the exception of when he lived with Hannah, but he’s always had the comfort of his apartment to come back to) and he’s rather attached and comfortable. The benefit, he supposes, is during the winter he saves a lot of money on heating costs.

So, Adam will stay and continue to be grumpy when he wakes up covered in sweat while surrounded by heavy air. He’s reaching over to his table, yanking the chain of his little oscillating fan when he feels the mattress shifting behind him and the softest moan flutters up to meet his ears. He smiles and starts to breathe a little easier, the hot morning seemingly more tolerable as he rolls over and sees Nina sleeping peacefully.

It’s early Monday, and she’s been with him non-stop since their date on Friday. 

It’s been the best two days, three nights of his entire life he thinks. No, he knows it has been. They haven’t been clothed at all, spending their time locked up naked together eating, sleeping, showering, and fucking virtually non-stop. There are far worse ways to spend a weekend, Adam’s been privy to those ways, and he thinks if he dies right now, he’ll be dying the happiest, most satiated human on the planet. 

She’s facing him, her hair a tangle of inky black against his pillow, a few wispy pieces sticking to the condensation that’s gathered on her neck and forehead. Her long eyelashes rest gracefully against the apples of her cheeks and her breath is labored, puffing softly from pouty pink lips. She hasn’t worn makeup since that first day, washing it off the first morning they had spent together in the shower, revealing a light spackling of freckles across the bridge of her nose to accompany the two beauty marks near her mouth. 

He smiles, fondly remembering sprinkling her face in kisses when he’d seen them the first time. 

She’s kicked off the sheet in the night, which explains why he has the entire piece of fabric ensnaring his legs, and the blanket has been living on the floor since the temperature first broke into summer territory. Nina lays before him completely naked, pale and soft, curves in all the right places. He knows she’s self-conscious about parts of her body and he’ll never understand why. She’s absolutely perfect.

“My thighs are too big,” she told him the previous day, showing him where she tends to chafe from time to time on extra hot days. He simply shook his head and kissed her thighs, vowing to make her love them the way he does. From the position she’s sprawled in now, he can see a small purple bruise on her right one, two smaller bruises flanking the largest. He smiles, knowing he’s left those marks on her with his mouth. Another love mark adorns her left breast, right below her collarbone, and he can see yet another, lighter and fading, peaking out just below her hairline on the same side.

Adam has never been huge on hickey’s, preferring to pull away before he marred someone’s skin and generally being annoyed when he finds one on himself, but not with Nina. The marks left on her are like a badge, a flag to let the world know she is his. He briefly wonders if he has anything left on him to keep for a few days, a lovely reminder of their weekend together when she groans softly and stretches her lithe frame like a cat waking from a nap. He watches her, laying on his side. She rolls to face him, grey eyes peeking open still bleary with sleep.

“Morning,” she mumbles and he cracks a smirk at how small and sleepy her voice is.

“Morning,” he tells her, leaning forward the few inches they’re apart to press his lips to her slightly sweaty forehead.

She’s smiling a bit, but it’s quickly turning into a frown as the humidity starts to set into her skin. “Christ, did we slip into Hell?”

He chuckles, rolling over to adjust the fan he’s turned on so it hits more of her. “I know, it’s bad. I’m not allowed to have an AC this high up, and…” He feels her fingers trace over his back, followed by a kiss she places between his shoulder blades, effectively making his mind wander from his explanation.

“Oh, lovey,” she coos, “I’ve left you looking like a road map.”

Adam isn’t sure what she means, but the glint in her eye and the corner of her quirked mouth make him squint before he’s off the bed and heading toward his bathroom. He hears her sigh contentedly as the full force of the fan hits her just as he ducks through the door, his back coming to face the mirror as he cranes his neck to look over his right shoulder.

‘Oh,’ he thinks to himself. ‘That’s what she means.’

His back is a zigzag of red and pink lines, dipping and curving over the muscles that ripple when he moves. They don’t hurt, and he can tell they’re going to fade back to his normal tone within a few hours, but he still likes knowing she’s left her mark. He knew she had enjoyed herself the night before, he just didn’t realize how much. His mind returns to his earlier thoughts about leftover marks and he guesses he has his answer. She hasn’t left any bites on him, but these were sure a good consolation.

He’s never felt so primal about anyone, so over the moon attached. In the span of a month, Nina has swept him completely off of his feet and hung him up by the bootstraps. He thought he knew love before, and he supposes he has, but not like this. This is soul-crushing, and the most real thing he’s ever felt in his life. She makes him believe there’s good in the world. He’s gushing over nail marks running the length of his back, for goodness sake.

Grinning like the Cheshire, Adam goes back to his room to find Nina sprawled against his sheets spread eagle as the fan hits her in all the places he wants to kiss. She glances right at him, a minute grin on her face that morphs into wide eyes as he launches himself onto the bed, his arms coming to cage her between them as he bounces her against the mattress and she starts laughing in her beautiful melodic tone.

“Adam!” She squeals, reaching for his arms to steady herself. “Adam, stop! Stop!” She’s laughing wildly as her back leaves the mattress repeatedly and she becomes jumbled against him. He stops then, letting her rest against his bed but not uncaging her. She’s beaming up at him, hair fanning out around her like a dark halo and eyes shiny and silver only enhanced by dark lashes. “You’re a maniac in the mornings.”

“Only when I’m with you,” he fires back, and he feels her fingers tighten against his forearms, still holding him above her. 

He’s aware that he’s fit snug between her hips, his body starting to flare to life against her thigh as he shifts against her. They’re sweating, both of them, and they’re slick everywhere their skin is meeting. She must feel it too, a wicked grin working its way across her beautiful pout. 

“You’re insatiable,” she quirks, knowing him too well at this point.

Sex wasn’t on his agenda this morning, especially after waking up hotter than sin, but the fan’s helping a bit and Nina is just too fuckable while she gyrates all nude underneath him. Adam pounces, pulling her bottom lip between his teeth and making her whine. She’s dragging her nails up his biceps as he drops down to his elbows, tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck and opening her mouth to catch his again just as soon as he lets her lip go. They’re all teeth and tongues and hands, slipping and sliding against one another easily in the heat of the early morning. Outside they can hear cars driving by, people talking, horns beeping in the distance as the world starts to wake up but inside, inside is all hot breath, low grunts, and the slick of skin on skin when he slides inside of her in one full thrust of his hips.

“Fuuuck,” she moans, eyes squeezing shut.

Adam knows it’s a mix of pleasure and pain that has her cussing. He fills her totally, stretching her to capacity. He’s done so multiple times over the last few days and he knows she needs a break. He does too if he’s being honest with himself, and the heat is stifling, but it was too tempting with her splayed out all naked and shiny beneath him. If he could live inside of her he would. He’s never felt so complete as he does when they’re connected, and he savors every encounter even if it’s during one of the hottest mornings of the year so far.

So, they move together, rubbing and grinding and thrusting, chasing their orgasms. They’re desperate, moving fast, not holding back, growing closer and closer with every moment they spend joined. She’s practically gasping for air, the heat becomes too much with his big body on top of hers, and in one swift motion Adam has them flipped and she’s inhaling deeply while the fan hits her. He hasn’t slipped out of her and she’s got him totally sheathed, taking his cock to her core like a champ as she braces one hand behind her near his knee and uses the other one to push the hair off her neck and hold it in place as she bounces against him. 

It’s carnal, raw, a hot pleasure that leaves them dripping sweat onto one another. Neither seems to mind the open window, the only thing keeping their moaning lower than normal is the almost physical inability to make noise against the temperature. Adam has the most insane view of where they’re joined, and the only reason he tears his eyes away from that spot is that she’s chanting his name now. Her body is glowing, flushed pink across her chest and up her neck. He knows she’s close to cumming for him, so he slides his right hand from the top of her thighs to her clit, using his thumb to swipe and circle the little bud under the rough pad. 

She speeds up her movements, hips bouncing, pushing and pulling all of his length in and out and all about. Closer, closer, she’s getting closer, and somehow louder regardless of the heat, and Adam can’t stand it, so he throws himself up, sitting against her with his left arm propping him upright. His right one wraps around her waist, his big hand splaying against her back as he sucks one of her perky nipples into his mouth before working up to her collar bone. Her arms are thrown around his shoulders and back, holding him close as her cheek rests against the top of his head and they move, really move, pistoning in every direction while he knocks into every single wall inside of her.

He’s lost in her body, lost in the sex, lost in the heat and how it feels to be this close to someone. Not just physically, but to literally be melting against and into another person. The air is suffocating him but all he can do is lap at Nina’s salty skin, savor her flavor and the way her toes curl as he hits that spot inside of her that he knows breaks her. 

He’s so close, his toes curling against his sheets now and his legs growing restless. It’s beautiful, all of it, and it takes him a moment to catch on that she’s stopped writhing against him and he’s fucking up into her on his own. Adam stops, aware that she’s peering down at him. Her eyes are molten silver as she gazes deeply into his honey brown’s, his neck craning back as she hovers above him. He sees the light in them, sees how they glow from the inside out, blown out from lust and shiny with unshed tears. He’s nervous that he’s actually hurt her, but then she smiles and her hands are on either side of his face.

“What?” He’s asking, his brows pulled down over his eyes in confusion.

Her face is so pure, so innocent as she peers down at him. He smiles up at her, mostly because she’s smiling at him, but also because it’s funny to him how her innocent, wide-eyed gaze translates to his cock being buried so deep inside of her he can feel her cervix against the head. He slides his right hand up as far as it’ll go, smoothing along her creamy skin until he finds the space between her shoulders, then her neck. She’s still holding his face, her left hand skimming up to brush some of the hair sticking to his forehead aside.

“I’ll tell you later,” she tells him simply.

There’s something between them crackling like electricity, unspoken words that have Adam trembling. He pulls her to him, hand tangled in her hair now and mouth consuming hers. She pushes back, every inch pressed against one another as they move again, waves crashing. Pushing and pulling, harder, faster, violent and beautiful as they quickly bring one another right back to bliss. His toes tingle, and he feels himself grow tight, pushing them both up as he shifts to back against his wall for leverage.

Nina howls, her weight impaling her fully on his cock as he moves. “Fuck, Adam! Uhn, I-I, mmm,” she moans against him, fueling him to plant his feet and buck up into her.

“I wanna do this every day,” he forces out between grunts and exertion. “So beautiful. Fuck Nina, you’re incredible.” 

He’s panting, so is she, mouth hovering just over his as her arms hug him tightly and they breathe each other’s air. Her hips roll, forehead coming to rest against his as her eyes squeeze shut and she clamps down on him tight enough for him to be caught inside of her. She cums hard, dripping down his balls and biting her lip hard enough to make her grunt.

Wet and warm, tight and soft, Adam cums deep inside of Nina before he realizes it’s happening. Bursting open, he’s loud and taken by surprise. It’s sudden, shooting from him in hot streams. Stars burst behind his eyes and his mouth hangs open, twitching as the last of his seed empties out. He feels good. He feels really good, and weak. The heat, his physical activity, Nina’s weight, their unexchanged words still burning inside their chests, it’s all too much and he’s overwhelmed and exhausted.

“Shit,” he huffs, leaning back against the cool wall. She collapses against him, fighting to catch her breath. “I’m-I’m sorry,” Adam’s chest moves up and down, up and down. “I came inside you.”

Nina sits up, her eyelids heavy, brushing pieces of his hair away that has stuck. “I know,” she states simply, dragging her forearm across her brow to wipe away some of the sweat. “It’s so hot,” she reiterates, voice shaky and chest rising and falling.

“It wasn’t so hot a few minutes ago,” he jokes, and she chuckles with him as she pushes off of his lap, both of their breaths catching as he slips out of her before she plops next to the fan and exposes as much of herself as possible to its cooling breeze.

“I’ve never needed a shower so bad in my life,” she raises a hand and studies the glistening skin against her forearm.

“I like you all sweaty,” he tells her, pushing off the wall and coming to rest next to her on his mattress.

Adam’s content, but he can’t stop thinking about the implications of his not pulling out. Nina is too calm about it. He’d cum inside of Jessa once, thinking she was wearing her sponge, and she’d screamed at him the rest of the night and well into the next morning after finding out she wasn’t. Then she’d withheld sex for almost two weeks until she knew she wasn’t pregnant. He’d actually gotten Mimi-Rose pregnant, and she aborted it without his knowledge which is arguably worse than anything Jessa could’ve done. 

Nina, however, has stayed silent and doesn’t look at all concerned.

“Why aren’t you freaking out about me cumming inside of you?” He asks suddenly, studying her serene features as she rests and regains control of her breathing.

She turns her head to look back at him, the corners of her mouth quirking up. “It was an accident, lovey. You didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I, I know. I just, I don’t have good experiences with accidents,” Adam responds, his bottom jaw clenching suddenly at his confession.

Nina moves, rolling onto her side to face him. He follows her lead, her hand finding the side of his face before she tells him, “I’m not angry at you.” He feels himself relax into her touch as she continues, “there’s no use in being mad about it. What’s done is done, and whatever happens now is fate. I should be upset, but I’m not. I could be on birth control, but I hate the hormones and what they do to my body so I’m not. I know the risks, we’re both adults. If you want to use condoms moving forward, we can, and if you don’t want to, we won’t…but-but I’m okay, no matter what.”

“Yeah, yeah okay. Me-me too,” he tells her, turning his head enough to kiss her palm. He means it, he feels okay, which is a strange thing considering his track record with this sort of thing. But this is Nina, and this is different. “But I still don’t want to use condoms…”

They’re both officially insane.

They crack smiles, a laugh pushing out of her before she swats at him playfully. “We’ll just have to be better at catching ourselves.”

“Mm,” Adam hums his agreement, a smile still gracing his features. “Now, what do you say we take a shower and get the fuck out of this oven for a while?”

She stretches her lithe frame, "Mm, yes, please. We need to stop and get a Plan B while we're out." 

"Okay," he tells her softly, "but shower first." 

A cheeky smile happens upon her features. “Race ya there,” she suddenly mumbles, launching herself up and over him and out the door.

He watches her go, chuckling to himself at her tell-tale waddle that’ll just scream to the world that she’s been thoroughly fucked, and silently thanks his lucky stars before pushing himself up and following her out.


	6. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter aside from the usual ones that might come with an episode of Girls. Enjoy!

Adam can’t imagine his life without Nina in it. He tries to sometimes, always the glutton for punishment, but he just can’t. She’s always been part of him, or so it seems, even though it’s only been just over two months since she’s entered his world. They’ve been an item for about two months now and it’s been, by far, the most incredible months of his adult life. If she isn’t with him at his place, then he’s with her at the apartment she shares with Ashley. She’s even kept a promise she made him a while back, and some houseplants have popped up around his apartment that she’s kept thriving.

They’ve been virtually inseparable since their first date, only parting ways when Adam has rehearsal for the new play he’s been cast in or Nina has a photoshoot she’s working. She’s started working on her new collection for the Midsummer Gallery of Alley Artists; he’s started watching her as she shoots, admiring the way she takes her craft seriously. It’s refreshing being with an artist again.

Nina is light and carefree, a real go with the flow type. She often balances his semi-neurotic ways, for which he’s eternally grateful, and she does it all with a smile on her face and softness to her voice.

Nina behind a camera while on a set is completely different.

Her molten silver eyes harden with steel reserve, her brow often furrowing as she stares at her piece for seemingly ages, her head tilting this way and that way before she snaps a photo that she always huffs about, and then starts the process over. He likes to watch as she moves, the way her body dances when she’s in serious photographer mode. The way she becomes a hunter, the photo she’s after the prey.

He likes how they fuck on days she’s worked, after being coiled for hours on end and it’s been a rough shoot. He likes how she comes undone, how reckless and abandoned she is when things haven’t gone her way. She takes control, almost no foreplay as one or the other rides the other desperately until they’re covered in sweat and whatever other bodily fluids. It’s hard and fast, sore muscles and marks sunk into their skin.

On days that things go right, and she’s got the perfect shot, they take their time. Adam kisses every inch of her body, touching and caressing and sending tingles of electricity through every nerve ending. They move slower, and they cum harder because it takes longer. It’s sweet, and after they hold onto each other, and press soft kisses back and forth. She’s his muse, and he hers. She completes him, the yin to his yang. She meets his sexual prowess with her own, and together they shake the earth when they couple.

They haven’t missed a single night, and Adam still hasn’t had enough of Nina.

“Do you think the city smells different in the summer?” the object of his affection asks, sipping her lemonade and casually strolling through the market at Grand Army Plaza.

Adam glances at her, his mind still distracted by dirty thoughts as he watches her fingers dance across the little table they’ve just bought their drinks at. They’re heading into Prospect Park, the scorching July fourth weather bringing people out in droves and urging them to head to one of Brooklyn’s favorite outside market places before strolling through whatever nature New York City can offer. Later they’ll lay down the blanket they brought and watch the fireworks over the river. Prospect Park isn’t his first choice, it usually gets pretty crowded, but Nina loves fireworks and he loves her so here they both are, sweating in the mid-summer sun and killing time until the burning ball of fire sets.

“It’s millions of people sweating together,” he tells her, eliciting a short laugh on her behalf.

“True,” she concedes, “but it’s also all this concrete, and asphalt. Like we live in this fake world, built entirely for the human animal.”

Adam glances around them and sees everyone meandering around. They’re heading into a green space, but over every treetop, he sees the jut of a building here or a tower there. She’s right, like usual, and when he thinks about it, he realizes he really can smell everything just a bit stronger. He supposes it’s because the sun just beats down on them, attracted to all of the unnatural material, and releases more of the chemicals into the air.

It’s so hot today that Adam has even pulled what hair he could back into a small bun to keep it off his face and neck. He doesn’t much care for his hair being back, hating his ears most of the time, but Nina has simply done for him what he has done for her when she tells him she hates parts of her body; she’s made him fall in love with himself by kissing him over and over again. She sucked on his ear lobes, nibbled them, whispered sweet nothings into them, told him she loves them until his cheeks flared to life with blush. So here he is now, hair pulled back and not giving a single fuck about it. He’s stripped his shirt off too, the fabric doing nothing to keep him cool, and has it tucked in the back pocket of his shorts.

Nina’s hair is back too, tied into two little buns near either side of the crown of her head. Her long neck is on display, a few stray wisps of hair falling against the creamy skin and choker wrapped around it. Her eyes are hidden behind octagon-shaped sunglasses, but he knows she’s kept her makeup simple today, just some mascara that wouldn’t bleed all over her face if she sweats. She’s wearing some of the shortest black denim shorts he’s ever seen, making up for length in how high the waist is, and her white cropped tank has the American flag printed across her chest. She’s a few inches taller with her platformed sandals on, and Adam can reach her temple easier to plant a tender kiss against it.

“Do you even remember what real nature smells like?” She smiles at him then, a reaction to his kiss, reaching out for his hand with the one that isn’t clutching her cup.

He slips his fingers between her own and squeezes them gently. “Uh, yeah mostly. Smells like dirt, and I don’t know leaves?”

“Obviously it smells like dirt and leaves,” she laughs again, “but it’s clean. There’s this shitty smog that’s always in the air here. You don’t even realize it until you leave the city. Like, really leave. It’s so much cleaner out there. I wish I could just, go. Get out a bit.” She motions with her drink toward the universe in general.

“Why don’t you?” He asks, taking a swig from his own drink, an ice-cold sweet tea instead of lemonade.

She looks up at him, her bottom lip between her teeth before she speaks again. “I can’t leave New York-”

“I don’t mean forever,” he counters. “I just meant you can go camping, or on a vacation. See what’s out there, breathe all that clean air-”

“Oh!” She squeals suddenly, turning to really face him. “That’s a great idea! Would you come with me?”

“If you wanted me to,” he chuckles, sliding his hand out from her grasp and up to the bare skin where her shorts meet her waist. Hers rests against his bicep, bringing the sour drink to her pouty lips as he continues. “Where would we go?”

“Anywhere,” she tells him, “as long as we’re together and there’s nothing to smell but clean air.”

“Okay, that’s fine. One problem though,” he teases, leaning down to meet her eye level, “wherever we go, I’m gonna fuck you until you smell sweat and cum too.”

She gasps, small and cheeky, a grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. “That’s a problem?”

He’s smirking, “Depends who you’re talking to. We could go right now. I’ll show you how much I mean it.”

He sees her eyes darken for just a flicker of a moment, then she’s drinking her lemonade again and smacking her lips in satisfaction. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re trying to seduce me so you can get out of watching the fireworks.” She grins.

Adam stands to his full height, eyeing his shorter girlfriend from head to toe. She’s too smart and he knows it. Though, if he’s being honest, he’d much rather be home tangled in his sheets with Nina instead of surrounded by the masses.

“I like fireworks; I hate people.” He tells her honestly, reaching to snatch her up when she playfully sighs in exasperation. She laughs as she ducks away, but Adam’s strides are almost twice as long as hers. He catches her easily, hoisting her up and over his shoulder in a similar fashion to that first night at her gallery.

“Hey!” She’s laughing, “you’re going to spill my lemonade! Adam!”

She’s falling against his back, squirming as he tightens his hold on her legs. “Hold onto it,” he tells her, slapping a hand against her ass cheek resting above his right shoulder and carries her further into the park. “I’m just trying to find a spot for us faster since you don’t want to go have sex.” He pauses, waiting for her to tell him she does, knowing she won’t and that’s okay. He’ll have her at home later, so he just chuckles and starts walking again. “With your little legs, we’ll never make it over there-”

“-Oh, shut up,” she stills, conceding to his grasp on her and resting an elbow against his shoulder blade. He imagines her propping her head up, shrugging at anyone who might stare at them a bit longer than normal. “Fine, carry me then. Just make sure my whole ass isn’t on display for everyone to admire.”

“It’s a nice ass,” he tells her, glancing toward it and noticing that she does have a couple of inches of cheek peeking out in her current position. He brings one of his large hands up to cover some of her skin, “they admire it even when it’s not perched six feet in the air.”

She opens her mouth to respond, but Adam doesn’t hear her. Instead, his eyes lock onto the blue ones watching him from over near another booth that seems to be selling some sort of colorful fabrics. Jessa’s picking apart what looks like some sort of pastry and eyeing the girl he has slung over his shoulder, quickly handing some cash over to the woman behind the booth, grabbing her bag, and turning to face them completely. A cold pit forms in his stomach as she starts to stroll over to them.

He starts to lower Nina off his shoulder.

“Hello,” she calls to the couple just as Nina’s feet are finding the ground again, turning to face the blonde. “Hi Adam, didn’t expect to see you here,” she tells him confidently. “You hate shit like this.”

Her voice is thick with uncertainty; something Jessa isn’t always known for. She’s always been so sure of herself, so confident, at least outwardly. It takes someone really close to her to see through her façade, and unlucky for him, Adam has been very close to Jessa. He sees the stiffness in her posture, the way her chin points slightly more to the sky than normal, and her jaw hardly moves when she speaks in that bored, British tone of hers.

Adam swallows thickly, “yeah, I uh, I don’t anymore.” He moves instinctually, putting himself in front of Nina just enough to warn Jessa. He knows she’s thinking about their last run in, how he’d let her questions about his new relationship fall to the sidewalk below them without answers. Now the questions she had are being answered in the form of the woman standing against him.

“Have a change of heart, did you?” Jessa cocks an eyebrow, leaning slightly to her left in an attempt to better admire Nina.

The brunette by his side knows something is up by the way she’s glancing at him. He can’t see her eyes thanks to her sunglasses, but the pull-down on either side of her mouth has given her quite the little pout. He wants to kiss it, but he’s not sure how to navigate this situation. Adam knows Nina doesn’t need his protection, she’s told him that before, but his animalistic side just flares to life regardless and he feels the intrinsic pull to keep her safe.

“I have better company now,” he tells Jessa, unamused. Sometimes he wonders if he and Jessa will ever be friends again, even hopes for it from time to time. They could be really in tune with one another if they tried, which is something Adam values when he can find it. Not right now, though. Right now, he just wants her to go away.

Jessa’s mouth hardens into a thin line. “Right, I see that. Hi! Hello?” Jessa moves then, rounding to his side and offers Nina a small wave. “You must be the new girlfriend.”

“You must be the old one,” she fires back without hesitation, smiling sweetly and extending her hand for Jessa to take. “I’m Nina.” He’s impressed.

Jessa blinks a few times and Adam’s back molars start to clench when she finally reaches out to shake hands. “Jessa,” she says simply.

“Okay,” Adam interrupts, “introductions have been made, so if you’ll excuse us-”

“-We’ve hardly just met,” Jessa counters.

“Yes, I know this-”

“-Are you trying to keep her all to yourself?”

If looks could kill, Jessa might fall dead right here in the middle of this park. She knows that’s what he’s doing. He knows she knows by the way her eyes sparkle and she’s smiling like the cat who caught the canary. The anxiety creeping up his spine is exactly why he wanted to avoid this sort of thing, and Jessa is playing off of that like she used to do when they were together.

“It’s okay, lovey,” Nina stretches on to the balls of her feet, her right hand winding up to curl around his neck, bringing his cheek close enough to kiss. He softens under her affection. “Jessa, it was great meeting you. I hope we get the chance to chat someday, but we’ve got plans for now.”

“Oh, yeah of course,” Jessa tells her, tune changing when it’s Nina addressing her and eyeing Adam as he admires the dark-haired girl with a glow in his eyes and a soft smile. “There’s a party in a few weeks,” she blurts, bringing his attention back to her. “Ray’s had the coffee shop open for a while now, and he’s celebrating.”

“You’re invited?” He asks, his bottom lip mulling again.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She’s annoyed, he can tell by the way she sets her face and twirls her long hair around a finger.

“I just- you haven’t been around much since we broke up.” Fuck it. Nina knows they dated, she’s heard about Jessa, and Adam’s done being so nervous about it all. It’s not in his nature, and he can still feel the ghost of her kiss against his cheek giving him strength.

“Oh, and you have been?” She fires back, a dark blonde brow arching gracefully.

“That’s normal for me, and Hannah-”

“-Hannah and I’ve made up…mostly,” she waves her hand around vaguely. “Whatever, all I’m saying is that I’ll be there and you,” she directs her gaze back to Nina, “should be there as well to meet all of Adam’s friends.”

He tenses, knowing she’s baiting him, but quickly relaxes when Nina takes his hand again.

“Thanks for the invitation, we’ll see if we’re busy.” Nina glances back up at him, smiling sweetly. “Ready babe? I wanna make sure we get a good spot.”

Adam nods, “yeah. Yes, let’s go.”

“Happy fourth of July,” Nina coos at Jessa, starting to lead him away.

He gives Jessa a short wave as he hears her mumble the sentiment back, pulling Nina to grab her and swing her up and over his shoulder again. He knows the blonde is still watching, but he’s significantly more relaxed and can’t help but to crack a grin when his girlfriend gasps as he slaps her perfect ass again.

The shift in his mood is immediate as they leave Jessa’s side, and Adam once again thanks the higher powers that be for giving him Nina. She helps him forget. Not just forget, but move on. He can heal with her, and he does. Jessa feels so unfinished sometimes, closure unheard of, and he loses control but Nina helps him get it back just by supporting him. Grateful doesn’t do how he feels justice, but it’s what he’s got as he carries her away and across the vast lawn.

Hours later they’re sitting on their blanket under a darkening sky and Adam can’t stop staring at her just as bursts of light start to explode in the night sky. Big, beautiful fireworks splash the world in electric blue’s, hazy purples, vivid reds, and yellows. Raw, awe-inspiring power, and he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from her stunning face, bathed in the colors as they splash across New York City. She’s smiling, the apples of her cheeks round and dotted with dimples near the corners of her lips. Eyes wide and childlike in her appreciation, little excited noises escaping from between her teeth when she feels a particular attraction to one of the fireworks.

Adam knows he’s missing the show, but he can’t help to feel like watching Nina is so much better than what’s going on around him. There is nothing that can drag him away from her; not Jessa, not Hannah, not anyone. Pure adoration seeps from his pores, and when she turns and catches his gaze on her she only smiles wider.

He says it before he can even think about the weight of his words.

“I love you,” he tells her, swallowing hard, unsure if she’d even heard over the booming thunder.

Then her smile dips, and he sees her eyes shining under a large white glow of cascading sparkles.

“I love you, too,” she admits, swiping at her right eye when a stray tear leaks from the corner.

It goes quiet, the entire city of New York fading into a blur of white noise. He’s aware he’s surrounded by other people but he can’t see them. Just Nina as she giggles, her nose wrinkling in that way he finds endearing. He reaches for her and she leans toward him, lips meeting just as blue and gold paint the dark in tinted hues, followed by pinks and reds. He loses track of the colors the longer she kisses him, seeing the universe come alive instead.

Adam may have been visited by his past just a few hours ago, but as he pulls back and looks at Nina, he sees nothing but his future just as the grand finale bursts to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter!! Hopefully, you enjoyed reading it, too!


	7. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Smut...all of it...enjoy ;)

Life is filled with moments. Some are good, some are bad, but all add up together to define a person’s journey. Inside of the sum, there is a conclusive moment, or moments, that come to pass with no control, that can change someone’s path so irretrievably it can alter the outcome of history. The pathway once walked, expected to walk, melts away, and lays trail to unknown journeys. Time ceases to exist, and life becomes before and after, past and present, then and now.

For Adam, one of those moments happened when Nina said “I love you” back to him.

He’s free all of a sudden. He can move forward instead of falling back. Like these chains that have been holding him are broken and he can love and live, scream with abandon, and beat his chest if he wants to. It’s like he’s been holding his head underwater and all of a sudden, he’s burst through the surface and filled his lungs with beautiful, sweet air. He’s alive; incredibly, absolutely, without a doubt, fiercely alive.

He’s even more alive now that they’re back at the apartment, hands in each other’s hair and mouths consuming one another’s. Their confession of love under the brightly lit Fourth of July sky has lit them both on fire. They’ve burned a trail back to his place, kissing in ways that made their cab driver blush and whispering to one another all of the sweet nothings they could muster before stumbling through the front door while breathing each other’s air.

Adrenaline pumps through Adam’s veins, driving him to stroke her tongue with his and shake lightly at how tender her fingers feel running across his shoulders and neck. This means something to both of them. This isn’t just sex; it’s open doorways to hearts and minds, archways that lead into love and passion.

She’s staring at him, strength in her storm-cloud eyes, and a challenge on the tip of her tongue as she tugs gently on his hair after lacing her fingers back into the dark locks.

“Show me how much you love me,” she breathes confidently in the space between their lips.

Adam inhales sharply, her words tugging a string that pierces his heart and makes his cock twitch beneath his denim. He doesn’t hesitate, that rubber band inside of him snaps and his big hand curls around her neck and wedges her back against him. They collide with deep desperation of two people that have been starved, hungry, and tasting one another in a battle for control as their mouths convene and their bodies meet to their knees. Adam bends at the waist as Nina presses onto the balls of her feet, practically climbing him as her hands tighten in his hair and hold him to her as he runs the length of her back, her bum, then back up.

This feels like the first time all over again, a new sense of belonging and want coursing through them. To love and to be loved. She moans softly into their kiss and Adam feels her chest rumble against his own, his hands immediately traveling back down the curve of her spine to grip at her ass and pin her impossibly closer to him. She’s responding by deepening their kiss, and he feels himself purr like a kitten when her nails scrape against his scalp and she nips his bottom lip.

He breaks away, kissing a line across her jaw before focusing on the tender stretch of skin below her left ear.

“Mm, baby,” she whispers, head lolling to the side as his mouth slips down to where her neck meets her shoulder, and he slides the strap of her tank top down. He wants to worship every inch of her, covering her in kisses and caresses. She tastes like the sunshine that had soaked into her skin all day and Adam laps at the salty-sweet flesh. She’s all hands, running over his shoulders and across his back as he sucks a small purple bruise onto her collar bone next. He’s not stopping, his head is swimming and Adam needs more. He needs her to know how much she means to him.

Show her, she had said. Show her how much he loves her…

He’s on his knees in front of her a moment later, his back thanking him for its relief from bending, and she’s gazing down at him with her own lip trapped between her teeth. He kisses her sternum as she pulls her top off, his fingers digging into the flesh of her thighs and hips. She’s got a simple bralette underneath, and Adam mouths the lacey fabric. He relishes in how short she is in comparison to him, and at how easily he can reach her breasts and suck a nipple into his mouth after briskly tugging the bralette and letting it hang around her waist.

She’s breathy and languid, gasping and starting to bend against him. Her hands once again tangle into his hair as he works the button of her daisy dukes and laps his way across the valley of her breasts to give his attention to her other nipple. Adam pulls away long enough to watch the tiny shorts and panties slide down her legs in one fluid motion, sinking down further against the floor to press a few kisses against the sensitive skin of her tummy.

It’s one of his favorite parts of this; the moment Nina becomes naked eliciting something feral in Adam, regardless of his intentions. Now she’s left standing in front of him with nothing but a thin piece of white lace wrapped loosely around her waist after he’d yanked it from her breasts.

Adam has to taste her, mouth-watering from how primal he feels with her pussy teasing him a few inches from his nose.

He knows she’s anticipated it, but she still cusses and jolts as he leans forward and licks a wide stripe up her crease before sucking her clit into his mouth and releasing it with a little ‘pop’. He’s addicted to the way she tastes, like honey and a sweet musk that just takes over his senses. This certainly isn’t the first time he’s done this to her, but something about this time drives him to devour her deeper. He growls, his hands sliding up her calves, the back of her thighs, and up to her bum, giving it a knead as he presses his tongue back against her and circles the sweet bud over and over.

“Ah-uhn, so good,” Nina’s breathy moans float toward the ceiling as her head rests back and her eyes flutter shut.

Adam lifts her leg, resting it over his shoulder and tilts his head for better access. He’s rewarded with her beautiful sounds and a shudder, small fingers gripping against his scalp and tightening when his lapping becomes more aggressive. He’s eating her now, really eating her. No more soft kisses and gentle rounds as his tongue flexes and dips inside of her wet hole, nose nuzzling her sensitive little blossom. He moans deep in his throat as her juice coats his tongue and she meets his passionate groan with her own.

“Fuuuck,” she whines. “Just like that, ah, don’t stop baby.”

So, he doesn’t; Adam licks and laps at her core even as his jaw starts to grow tired after a few minutes.

He feels the shake in her thigh he’s gripped onto, feels the tightening of her muscles against his shoulder, and her weight leaning further onto him.

“Right there,” Nina tells him as she starts to shake and quake even more against him. “Fuck, so good…”

She’s getting there, hips beginning to roll in minute circles as he fucks her with his mouth. Adam can’t help but pull her further against him, his muscles flex as he holds her in place. He’s twirling his tongue inside of her, her walls squeezing it and making him fight against her folds but she tastes so damn good he doesn’t want to stop until her cum drips from his chin because that is how much he loves her.

Her chest is heaving, breath growing erratic. “A-Adam, ohmygod. Mm.”

He’s supporting most of her weight as her knee grows weaker, so he concentrates his ministrations. Her thighs encase his head and she’s all he can see, all he can breathe and smell and taste and fuck she’s about to cum and she’s panting it to the empty room while gripping him for dear life as she fights to stay upright.

“I’m gonna cum, Adam. Fuck, fuck I-I’m I’m close. I’m uhn, ahh!”

Her muscles clench and his tongue is forced from where it’s been licking her from the inside, and she cums against and into his mouth. She’s practically collapsing over him, toes curling against the carpet and his back, starting to sink against him as she cries out her pleasure when the air crashes back into her lungs.

Adam’s face is glistening with her fluids from his chin to the tip of his nose and then some. Her pussy quivers when he gives it one last kiss, thighs twitching as he drops her leg and stands up, swiftly lifting her against him by her backside, leaving her legs dangling as he starts to carry them toward the bedroom. She pays no mind to her cum, kissing him and drinking up her own juices mingled with his spit. She’s told him before she loves tasting herself off of him, which just drives him to carry her faster to their bedroom with visions of her sucking him off after they’ve fucked invade his every thought.

He reaches behind him to strip off his shirt as soon as he sets her on the bed, and her hands are on him before the fabric can clear his head. Soft touches ghost up his obliques, over his ribs, and run around to his shoulder blades before her fingers massage the flesh just as her lips press against his chest. Adam’s breathing hitches as Nina touches him and shows him such tender affection and loving care, nimble fingers massaging circles into his flesh before they dip to the button of his jeans.

His head is foggy, lost in the way she feels, and how this all feels in general. It’s intense, the air shivering around them and Adam can’t remember the last time he’s really made love with someone. He doesn’t want to try and think of it now, not while Nina gazes up at him with blown-out irises. He feels overwhelmed, his skin hot where she’s touching him, where her mouth puffs warm breath against his skin.

She’s making quick work of his pants, her mouth moving up to nip and suck at the tender skin of his neck. Adam’s mouth falls open with a hiss, and he’s in her hair, tugging the little buns from their constraints before burying his hands in her raven locks. It’s euphoric, the smell of her hair invading his senses when it falls loose and he has to taste her again so he pulls her head back and starts to devour her again. Strong, insistent kisses. Deep, and affectionate.

“Mm, want you so bad,” she mumbles against him, promptly unzipping him and shoving his pants down around his hips.

He’s springs free, so hard from eating her that he actually sighs with relief from not being constrained any longer and the blood rushes from his head straight to his cock.

“Oh,” she gasps when his erection pokes against her stomach. “I can see you want me too.”

She’s cheeky, a sly grin pulling at the corner of her plump lips and Adam can’t help to reciprocate. He smiles wide.

“I always want you,” he tells her, his laugh a short burst of truth.

He watches her smile fade, her eyes light up and he feels her palm against his cheek.

“I love you,” she tells him again, the second time she’s confessed how she feels and it’s just as powerful as the first. Her eyes bore into his, almost like she’s willing him to see how much she means it, and he does.

It’s like learning to ride a bike. You fall, scrape a knee, get back up, try again before you fall, and maybe sprain your wrist. It hurts sometimes, but the drive is there to keep trying regardless and as soon as you feel like giving up, you get it. You’re off, pushing your way across the terrain, peddling fast with the wind in your hair. You’ve done it, you’ve changed your life and now you’re free. You can ride your bike to the park, or maybe to the store. Wherever it might be, you’ve accomplished something and it feels good. Really good.

That moment, that freedom and confidence to do and be as you are, that’s what Adam is experiencing and if he wasn’t standing naked and erect, he might have taken a moment to just stare at her and let it all sink in. But he is, his body flushing with heat, so he won’t. He’s so light-headed he doesn’t even know how he ends up on top of her, but he does and they’re all hands and mouths and touching, kissing, nibbling, rubbing as he drags her up the bed. Everything is soft and hard, hot and cold, lightning and thunder.

He’s nuzzling her throat, she’s arching against him, legs coming up to wrap around his waist and he feels her slick and ready for him.

“I love you so much,” he whispers into her hair, his hand coming down to guide his length to her entrance after rubbing himself against it a few times.

Entering her feels like coming home.

They aren’t loud, low gasps, and breathy whines as they start to move. He’s pressed against her, hips pressing against hers coming up to meet his in shallow grinding precision. Adam’s mouth finds hers again and their tongues mimic the push and pull below their waists. Two hearts beating into one steady thrum of thrilling excitement, minds racing, and pulses both speeding up rapidly.

He shifts onto his knees a bit more and the angle changes enough to have him curling into her. Nina’s nails lightly graze his back, down over the bumps and notches of his spine, massaging all the hard sinew beneath heated skin before they find his ass and she squeezes it, legs opening wider and she lets out a soft “oh fuck” when his cock hits that spot inside of her his tongue had probed earlier.

His hips start to move faster, but he doesn’t piston against her. Adam moves with persistence, digging into her and rounding out the dance with a strong push into her core before he does it all over again. Long, purposeful strokes intended to drag this out and elicit passionate, intense, real feelings both emotionally and physically. The orange glow from outside throws them in beautiful shadows and embers of love, their bodies burning against the black backdrop that New York has painted outside their window. Nerve endings more alive than any other soul in the city, or that’s how it feels and Adam isn’t stopping.

Bringing her hands above her head, he pins them in place with his own, fingers laced.

“Don’t,” he grunts when her eyes start to flutter closed. “Don’t close your eyes.” He wants to see her come undone; silver eyes unfocused as the ripples of her orgasm started to build against the steady pumping of Adam’s cock.

She listens, fighting against the urge to let her lids close and she bores into him.

They fill the room with their breathing, grunts and groans, low and slow, and building. He’s moving faster again, still strong, but the squeak of his mattress bounces them at a steadier pace and he’s finding it more difficult not to just pound her into a screaming frenzy.

“I’m-I’m close,” she whispers, lip catching in her teeth again so he slips one hand down to her cheek, and gentles tugs at it with his thumb to release it. “Adam, mmm…”

He feels it; that tell-tale tingle that starts in his toes and shudders through him until it rests at the base of his spine. He’s close, too, and the way Nina’s looking at him, cheek nestled into his hand and body responding to his makes him unable to think of anything else but her, right now, and how much she’s changed his whole life.

“I love you so much,” he forces between thrusts, her hand clenching his tightening and his thrusting falling out of its perfect rhythm.

“I love-ah, love you too,” she answers, freehand grabbing onto the back of his bicep.

Adam lowers his forehead to hers; two more hard pumps and she’s clenching around him as she cums. She can’t help it anymore, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open in a silent scream as she loses herself in her second, stronger orgasm. Her nails are digging into the back of his hand and his arm and Adam grows louder as he reaches the edge. It’s pure bliss, and he barely has time to pull out of her, earning him a small whine, before he’s spilling himself all over her thigh.

Time ceases to exist as they just circle the moon together, lost in the stars as they ballet through the universe. Powerful and overwhelming, it feels like this is the only moment that has ever mattered and Adam is completely lost inside of his own head for a moment and he forgets everything. It’s a weird sensation, but not unwelcome when he comes to and sees her underneath him. Like he's just been one with everything and is just now realizing he's his own entity. 

They’re panting, all of their strength leaving as Nina sinks back against the sheets, and Adam rests against her, breathing back and forth as they fought to regain control of their breathing.

“I, um,” Nina starts, swallowing a big gulp of air before starting over. “I would’ve told you I loved you a long time ago if I’d known you were gonna make me feel like that.”

He chuckles, placing soft kisses against her hairline before rolling off of her but immediately reaching to pull her against him. “I would’ve told you the first night I met you if I thought it wouldn’t have scared the shit out of you.”

“Have you loved me that long?”

“What if I have?”

She looks at him then, really looks at him, reaching up to brush some of his sweat-soaked hair out of his face and he comes to really just adore her.

“You’d be in good company because I’ve loved you from the moment our eyes met in that shitty bar in Manhattan-”

She’s cut short when Adam gets his second wind, and he kisses her for every second they’ve wasted being in love without the other knowing.

They've got a lot of time to make up for.


	8. Lighthouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has shown this story love! It makes me so happy to know that you have been enjoying it as much as I've been enjoying writing it! I update about once a week, that's it with my busy schedule, so rest assured this story will be finished. Thanks again, y'all!

He tries to remember old Adam, what he likes to refer to himself as pre-dating Nina, but all he can do is feel emotions related to his half-existence. Because that’s what it’s like, thinking about life before Nina: a half-existence spent in survival mode, not really living. He’s lost for words at times, something he’s often not lost for, and it throws him off-kilter at the revelation she’s brought to him.

He’s been given a second shot at life, at love and everything that comes with living and loving. He doesn’t deserve it, he knows that but for some reason, he’s got it and he isn’t letting it go. Not now, not ever. He tries not to think too long or hard about it because when he does, he gets overwhelmed and tugs at his hair or paces around the apartment for hours on end. She’s always there to soothe him, though. Even when he tries to maintain face, not letting her see how scared he is, she seems to know. With a touch of her hand, Adam’s anxiety pales.

Is this what coming out of a depression is like?

He sometimes wonders if he’d just gotten used to living with no light-house, a boat adrift a choppy sea with no destination. Even when he was a young boy, watching his parents argue constantly, taking the brunt of his father’s anger time and time again; Adam can only remember the pain. Always pain. Whether it was physical or emotional, he’s felt it for most of his life.

The first time Caroline ran away was one of the worst days of his life. The second time she ran, she’d dragged him with her and it’d been the happiest he’d been as a child; living on the streets with his older sister for almost six whole hours before the cops found them. She hadn’t taken him with her again, and Adam had sunk back into the murky waters of depression.

He’d grown used to it at some point, expecting it even. Adam’s sarcastic, some would say witty or wise, but he knows that really, he’s just a cynic that lives in reality and not some bullshit fantasy. Hannah was his first real shot at genuine happiness, and they’d botched the hell out of that. It’s for the best, really, they’re too different, but he’s lying if he says there wasn’t a period of time they worked. He’d been lost since Hannah, trying to find his way to the shore but always stopping just before.

Jessa was a shipwreck.

Now he feels like he’s watching his light pace around their apartment in a lacy hot pink thong, one of his raglan shirts tied into a knot around her waist while she talks animatedly to her mom on the phone. Nina officially moved in with him the day after they had confessed their love for one another, and he’s been watching her walk around near naked every day since. She walks from the little table inside the archway to the kitchen, to the window in the living room, glances outside, smiles at him lounging on the mustard couch, then makes her way back across the space to the table again just to repeat her path over and over. Occasionally she moves a plant or clutter piece to a new spot, then moves it back after a few more rounds and he chuckles to himself.

She’s an artist, a true artist, and it’s taking her a while to pick the best spots around their newly shared space for all of their things to live together in harmony. Adams let her have free reign everywhere but his workshop corner, something she hasn’t pressed at all, and he’s been enjoying watching her think about everything she takes out of this box or that box. Mostly because she does a lot of it in her panties, it being mid-summer and all, but also because it’s nice seeing someone care about his apartment as he does.

When he’d lived with Hannah, he’d lived in her space, only bringing a few of his things over and leaving the rest behind for Ray to take care of. Same with Mimi-Rose, so he understands how important feeling at home is, and Adam wants Nina to be at home here. Jessa had destroyed half of his shit during the time they had been together, so now it’s refreshing to see Nina treat everything with the same love and tender care regardless of who it belongs to.

This is different. This isn’t just his space anymore, it’s really, truly theirs.

She’s made the jump over to Brooklyn, which he teases her about relentlessly, but they still fuck every single day so he doesn’t think it bothers her very much. She’s filled various asymmetrical shelves with things that brighten up the rooms, and his curtains are all open letting in as much natural light as they can for New York City. He hasn’t seen his place so bright and welcoming in, well, ever. She even charmed his landlord into letting them have an A.C. (and even a cage to make sure it doesn’t slam to the concrete below) and they haven’t woken up sticky and sweaty in weeks. The best part about the entire place, though, is how it smells like both of them, clean and musky, earthy, and fruity.

They’re home, together.

“Mhmm, I know mom,” Nina playfully rolls her eyes in his direction, effectively drawing his attention to her once more. “Sure, sure. Yes. Yeah. Suzanne’s a bitch, everyone knows that.”

He cracks a smile, watching her appreciatively as she heads back across the room with her bare bum on display. He can watch her strut around all day, but they’ve invited friends (well, mostly Nina but he agreed to it much easier than he might’ve in other relationships) over and it’s not the kind of party where everyone else is going to be walking around in their panties too, so he pushes himself up and crosses over to her to mouth the time and press a tender kiss to her temple.

She’s smiling at him sweetly, nodding her head as she whispers, “we’re almost done, swear.” Her attention immediately drawn back to the phone and he can hear her mom’s tone rise an octave on the other end. “It’s Adam, mom. We’ve got-what? No. He’s right here. No. No mom, we’ve got plans. Call later and you can-what? Later. Fine, that I can do.” Adam’s brow arches as Nina presses onto the balls of her feet and she kisses him sweetly. “Mom says hello,” she grins before her face screws into mock annoyance. “No, mom! I did not give him tongue! And you can’t either-”

He bursts out laughing as Nina scoffs and starts her pacing again. Lenore Devereux is one of the most interesting women Adam has had the pleasure of knowing, having met her for the first time just a month ago when she came to visit her daughter. He’d been nervous, waiting at the airport with Nina and a bouquet of flowers. He was worried about impressing her, wondered if she would like him. He felt a lot of pressure, intending to spend his life with Nina and not knowing what he’d do if her mother hated him.

Then a petite bottle blonde with the same grey eyes as Nina marched up to him and planted a fat kiss right on his cheek while squeezing his bicep, and they’d been thick as thieves since. He’s even taken to talking to her at times when she calls to check in on Nina. He can tell where his girlfriend got her humor, as well as her flirty nature, so he knows that the older woman would, without a doubt, slip him tongue if given the chance and that’s both comical and an ego boost.

Adam’s back in the kitchen rummaging through the drawer with their silverware when he feels her press against him, and her arms come to wrap around his torso.

“Have I told you how much I appreciate the site of you from behind,” she coos near his ear, and he feels her place a kiss to his shoulder blade through the fabric of his shirt.

“Funny,” he tells her, turning to face her. “I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

“Yeah?” She teases a brow up as he swoops down and grips her ass in his hands, lifting her against him and leaning them against the counter. This is how it starts. This is how it always starts. Neither can resist.

“Mm,” he mumbles before his mouth slants against hers again and again. “Never wear pants again.”

“I actually need to put pants on,” she breathes into the space between their kisses but doesn’t stop herself from tasting him. He growls, earning him a chuckle and a playful swat on his arm. She leans back, “if you don’t mind Ray getting a peek of the goods then by all means-”

“-you need to put pants on,” he interrupts, swiping her back into his arms and enjoying a nice handful of her booty again before setting her down.

“How’s mom?” He asks as they finally untangle from one another.

“Oh, you know, the usual…annoying but she means well.”

“I know. It’s where you get it from-oof!” He stumbles when she launches herself at him, colliding before she starts to pinch him playfully and lick his face. He scrunches his up and can’t help but to start cussing under his breath. She’s playful and mocking his calling her annoying.

“Take it back,” she tells him and he’s trying to get her off of him, but he’s laughing so he can’t.

“Nina-”

“Take it back,” she repeats and gives his cheek a wide lick.

“You’re proving my point,” he reiterates, and now she’s blowing raspberries on his forehead.

“I’m not going to stop until you take it back,” she sings before she’s back at it.

Adam’s cheeks hurt from smiling. “Fine!” He gives in when she gives him a wet willy. “Jesus Christ, I take it back. Now get off of me you toddler.”

“You love me,” she reminds him, ungluing herself from him and sashaying away.

“I do love you!” He calls after her, shaking his head and grabbing a paper towel to wipe her spit off of him. “Now put some damn pants on before Ray gets here and I have to fight him to the death!”

______________________________________________________________________________

“So, you mean to tell me,” Ray says an hour later over a plate of Chinese takeout, “you would rather be lost in deep space than in the deep ocean?”

“Well yeah,” Nina replies, swallowing the piece of broccoli she had been munching. “The view from space would be beautiful, at the very least.”

“Yeah but you’ve got a chance in the ocean-”

“-not if you can believe we’ve really only discovered about 30% of it-”

“-as compared to the minuscule amount of space we’ve discovered. Incomparable.”

“I don’t know,” Adam chimes in with his own opinion. “Either way you’re more than likely going to die. It comes down to what you want to see for the last few minutes of your life. In space, you get, well you know…space…and under the ocean, it would be nothing but darkness. Leaching into your soul before you ultimately give in to it.”

“Oh my god Adam,” Shoshanna says around a mouthful of sushi. “That’s like, really deep if you think about it.”

“You’re only agreeing with her because she’s your girlfriend,” Ray rolls his eyes, Nina snickers and flicks a piece of carrot at him.

“When have I ever agreed with anyone just because we’re dating?” Adam quips, “do you know me at all?”

“Like, I mean, he’s right Ray,” Shosh defends him. “Hannah would get, like, so so so so so-”

“-okay we get it-”

“so so annoyed. Like, it was annoying how annoyed she got.”

“Well I’m wit’ Ray,” Ashley speaks up. “You hit tha bottom of tha ocean n’ go up from there. Better chance of livin’.”

“Exactly!”

“But it’s SO deep, you have no idea-”

“-space is infinite-”

“-but there is no guarantee you make it to the surface of the ocean-”

“Yeah, and like, imagine the um, the monsters that could probably most definitely eat you that live in the deep sea.”

Everyone stopped talking, turning their faces to Shoshanna, a few pulled brows as she flits her eyes from brown to grey, to green, back to brown. “What?”

“Monsters, Shosh?” Ray quirked a brow.

Adam sits back, chuckling, and watches them go on like this for twenty minutes debating the likelihood that monsters exist in the undiscovered parts of the ocean. It’s ridiculous how at ease he feels considering dinners like this were exactly one of the things he used to hate. Hannah wanted to have people over all the time, cook food she didn’t even know how to make, and have way too much alcohol and empty conversations that always wound up with her crying in their bathroom and Marnie crying on the couch. He’d always sit at the kitchen table in silence while the apartment exploded around him. It was too much.

Now it’s all good humor and conversation. There’s no Marnie or Hannah to make things awkward, and Nina didn’t pretend she was a great cook so they’ve ordered Chinese from one of their favorite places. It feels more natural; comfortable for everyone with no added pressures of forced friendships. They’ve hung out with Ray and Shosh a couple of times since she’d met them at the coffee shop party they’d been invited to a few weeks ago, Ashley tagging along sometimes. It’s been nice for Ray too since he’s been recovering from his breakup with Abby.

In retrospect, Adam is happy they had even gone to the party at all considering he knew Jessa would be there. He expressed his concern with Nina, but she had told him they couldn’t avoid the blonde forever. After he tried and failed to convince her that maybe they could, New York City was big enough to never run into someone if you really didn’t want to after all, he had reluctantly agreed. Even more so after Ray himself had called to extend the invitation.

So, they had found themselves surrounded by people Adam gave next to no shits about, but Nina was beaming and nothing makes Adam happier than Nina being happy so he had ground his molars to dust and sipped a single cup of coffee until it had cooled so much the sugar inside of it seemed to have re-crystalized. He watched her flit around like a little hummingbird; laughing at this or smiling at that, but always flashing him a brilliant smile when they caught each other’s eye or blowing him kisses.

Jessa had been there of course, but Hannah hadn’t been. There wasn’t much of a reason given, other than her baby but Adam didn’t think there really needed to be any other reason than that. In a way, he was grateful for her absence, but when his golden-haired ex had sidled next to him for conversation, he would’ve given almost anything for it to have been Hannah instead. At least Hannah seemed genuine about, well, anything ever even if it’s awkward…much unlike Jessa. She smiled her pretty smile and was nice enough, but she touched him too much and asked too many questions about his relationship.

Adam spent half the night annoyed at everything, and half the night lustfully gazing at his gorgeous girlfriend commanding the room.

That is one way he and Nina differed.

Adam draws attention because of his size. He is tall and broad, towering over most people just by existing. He doesn’t mind so much the comments and consideration, being an actor has preened him for such a thing, but he’s just as happy whilst standing back and observing. Nina, however, demands all eyes on her with little to no effort. She doesn’t stand any taller than anyone else, but the way she carries herself is larger than life. She radiates bright energy that people love to absorb. Everyone who meets her adores her, something Adam found frustrating at first, green-eyed jealousy flashing through his honey browns from time to time, but his trust and faith in her is unwavering so he deals with it.

Even now, in the comfort of their own home, Adam is sat back with his arm draped over the back of her seat as Nina laughs and carries on a conversation with Ray and Shosh like she’s known them her entire life. Having Ashley on her other side only perpetuates the ease at which their friends have melded together and for once, Adam feels like this could be his new norm. He can get used to this. Having guests isn’t so bad when it’s not force-fed down your throat every other day.

Until Ray's phone rings and it’s Jessa’s picture that flashes on the screen.

The older man glances at Adam and Nina, but it’s Shosh that speaks up.

“Why like, is Jessa calling. I didn’t like, I didn’t think you were friends with her or whatever.”

“I’m not,” Ray grumbles, “not really-”

“-good-”

“-aren’t you friends with her?” Ray shoots back, pushing to stand up and grab his phone. “Why good?”

“I am not friends with Jessa,” Shosh crosses her arms and sits up straighter. “She’s a-a disaster. Like, I cannot be friends with someone so selfish.”

“Okay well, I gotta take this,” Ray starts for the front door. “I uh, I may have offered her a job-”

“What!?” It’s the chorus of Shosh and Adam that have Ray giving a sheepish smile before holding up one finger in a ‘wait’ motion before removing himself from the space.

“What is Ray thinking?” Shosh offers, grabbing her wine glass and tossing back the rest of her large glass. “Jessa is like-like, she’s so like, what is the word?”

“Unreliable?” Adam offers, “bitchy? Rude? Take your pick Shosh.”

“I ‘eard that name,” Ashley squints. “Where’ve I ‘eard it?”

“She’s um, she’s Adam’s ex,” Shosh answers. “They were bad together. It was super unhealthy-”

“Okay!” Adam intervenes at the same time Ashley’s face lights up with recognition, but he’s cutting her off before she can continue. “I fucking hate talking about Jessa. Why are we talking about Jessa?”

“We don’t like, we don’t have to talk about Jessa.” Shosh mumbles and everyone falls silent before she squeaks, “it’s just she’s such a shitty friend and I like, I can’t even believe you guys dated because of um, because of Hannah.”

Adam’s staring at Shoshanna as Ray pushes back into the apartment. He’s not particularly happy with the shift in conversation, and just as soon as he’s thought about how nice it feels to be comfortable with this gathering, he wants to throw everyone out. Nina is already familiar with his ex’s and their stories, mostly, so that helps a little. Her hand coming to rest on his thigh helps too, her fingers giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Hey, sorry,” Ray said, reaching to grab his coat. “I’ve gotta go. She’s, I don’t even know. Something about a plumber and flooding-”

“See!” Shosh interrupted, “she messes like everything up.”

“I was gonna talk to you,” Ray ignores Shoshanna. “I just, she was in a bad spot-”

“Isn’t she always?” Adam cuts him off, not really sure how he feels about Ray hiring Jessa in the first place. It’s not really his business, but Ray is his friend so a warning before Adam ran smack into her when he gets a coffee someday would’ve been nice.

Ray just kind of nodded his head before asking Shosh is she still needed a ride home. She did, and before they knew it Ashley was gathering her things to leave as well. Goodbyes were said, apologies made, eyes rolled, teeth ground and exasperated sighs completed the evening before Adam found himself slouched on the couch with Nina running a comforting hand along his shoulders and back.

“You know I trust you, don’t you?” She nearly whispers, and he sits back to look at her with furrowed brows. “You don’t have to, have to tiptoe around Jessa.”

Adam let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Is it that obvious that he’s not comfortable around his ex? Or, no, that he’s still not convinced he won’t lose Nina if she uncovers all of his and Jessa’s dirty secrets?

“I’m not afraid of your past with her,” she continues, moving her legs underneath her so she can lean closer to him. “Besides, I’m convinced I can take her in a fight if I have to.”

This breaks him and he laughs, taking her hand into his and kissing her knuckles. She moves so that she can kiss his mouth, and the same hand he has on her slides up into her hair. Adam doesn’t know what to say, lost for words much to his chagrin, so he’ll show Nina again and again how much he loves her in one of the only ways he knows how.

By loving her, and learning to forgive himself in the process.

She is his lighthouse.

"I’m not afraid of your past with her."

He’s not so sure it’s the past that’s scary, anyway.


	9. Hannah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a two-part(ish) chapter! I just got into it and kept writing, and it ended up being almost 8,000 words so I broke it up. Hope that's fine, enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: Some smut here at the beginning.

They say first love never dies, a phrase Adam has thought about a lot since he’s ever been in love for the first time. Back then, Adam really thought he and Hannah had a chance to make it. They weren’t compatible enough, he knew that she knew that, every fucking person in their friend group knew that but at the time that didn’t matter. Love is all that mattered, and he sure as shit loved that girl in the only way he knew how to at the time.

They haven’t been together for almost two years now, but sometimes Adam still feels a pang of guilt for how everything turned out for them in the end. He certainly doesn’t think Hannah deserved all of the shit he’d put her through, and he’s come to terms with their friendship moving forward.

Well, mostly.

There was that day when he’d been totally convinced he was meant to help her raise her baby. He, to this day, still isn’t sure what compelled him to try and get her to run off into the sunset with him. Maybe it was the primal part of him that needed to have Hannah as his own, as his first love. Maybe it was his fear of losing her forever, something up until the moment he found out she was pregnant he’d had not a single thought about. Or maybe it was the last burning embers of a dream he’d had of them growing old together, raising a family together. He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care to dwell on it for long anymore.

He’s just thoroughly grateful they’ve moved past it at all because if they hadn’t, he might not be buried face first in the only other thing that makes him irrevocably happy.

And what a shame that would be.

“Mmhh, that’s it,” Nina moans, her back arching gracefully off the couch as one hand grips the cushion behind her head for leverage, the other buries itself in his hair. “That’s the spot.”

She’s had a long day shooting for some crazy art director and Adam just wants to help her relax. It started as a simple massage, his large hands relieving the tension out of her neck and shoulders…then her back, her legs, her bum, her hips. Of course, he’d wound up on his knees between her legs in no time, kissing and nipping at the sensitive flesh of her tummy and thighs before ultimately tugging down her panties and diving into her naughty bits.

“A-Adammhh,” she’s wiggling her hips round and round, pressing down into his face.

She has one heel dug into the cushion below her, the other leg is thrown over his shoulder and he feels how restless she is as he brings her closer to climax. Adam focuses his attention on increasing the friction against her, bringing her clit between his teeth and gently holding it there so he can really lap at it. His fingers are buried inside of her just below where he’s attached to her at the mouth, and with a quick flick of his tongue and twist of the wrist her thighs are encasing his head and he’s chuckling against her.

“Wh-why are you stopping?” She’s breathless and panting as he gently pries her legs apart, popping up for air.

“I can’t get you off if you suffocate me,” he tells her, smirking.

“Fuck,” she whispers. “Sorry. You’re just, uhn, you’re so good at this.”

“Don’t ever apologize to me for squeezing my head between your legs,” Adam presses a kiss to her pubic bone, never taking his eyes off of her face. “It’s exactly how I want to die someday.”

She pulls her lower lip into her mouth, teeth sinking into the pouty flesh as she reaches for him all of a sudden. Her fingers grab gripping him desperate as she pulls him up to her level. “You are so fucking hot,” she forces as she tugs on him and uses his weight to leverage herself into a sitting position.

“You’re fucking sexy,” his hands slide up her thighs, her hips, her back; mouth hovering just over hers but not quite touching as their eyes bore into one another’s with ferocity.

“Yeah?” She tangles her hands up into his hair, curving into him and moving against the couch in a way that still gives her resistance against her charged up pussy. “I’m fucking sexy?”

She knows she is.

“Mmhh,” he mumbles his agreement, fingers digging into the fleshy bits of her backside. “You have no idea what I’m about to do to you-”

“I wanna ride your cock until I can’t move,” she growls, cutting him off, raking her nails in an angry trail against his scalp and down his neck to his shoulders.

A low sound rumbles from his chest before, “I want to pound your pussy until your legs shake and you can’t walk a straight line.”

She’s glaring at him, pupils blown and grey eyes appearing dark and shiny. “I fucking dare you.”

Adam’s anticipating this to be one of those times they leave marks and bruises on one other.

He’s just about to lean into her and fire back when-

*knock knock knock*

They both flinch, heads snapping toward the front door across the room. The heady, heavy energy in the room shifts when the sharp sounds of knocking bounce off the walls.

“Are you expecting-” Nina starts, but Adam quickly shushes her.

“Don’t talk and they’ll go away,” he whispers, tightening his grip on her.

She listens, falling quiet and still. The only noise their breathing as they fight to control some semblance of this moment before it’s lost on them both.

*knock knock knock*

“Adam!” It’s Ray, shouting through the door. “Adam, open up!”

“Shit,” Adam grumbles as Nina’s breathing starts returning to normal and he’s sitting back on his haunches. “He’s not gonna go away.”

“What does he want?” Nina asks, her grip on him loosening up and a shadow of disappointment washes over her features.

“I don’t know,” he grumbles, “but I’m not answering.”

“You have to answer.”

“I’m just going to, uh, you know. I’m going to yell at him through the door…”

“Adam! It’s Marnie!”

*knock knock*

They both look at one another in confusion when all of a sudden, a baby’s cries ricocheted off the walls. Everything moves fast after that; a baby crying tends to make things move a little quicker. Adam is on his feet, helping Nina to hers since her legs are still quaking a bit as she continues to come down from their heated activities a minute ago. They mumble to each other, promising to finish what they started as soon as he sends everyone away. She’s scurrying to their bedroom, panties in her hand, and he’s throwing a blanket on the couch before he huffs to the door and throws it open.

He isn’t prepared.

“I’m sorry,” Ray says immediately at the same Marnie breaks out crying louder than baby Grover, tucked against her chest.

“What-” Adam starts, but he’s quickly pushed aside as they make their way inside and Jessa brings up the caboose. His eyes meet hers, brows pulling down before he looks back at Ray for answers on why they’re here.

It’s Jessa that talks first.

“Hannah is missing,” she states, blunt and to the point, her eyes skimming down to his bare chest before back up to his face. Her jaw tight. Adam has the sudden urge to cross over to the couch and grab his shirt, shrugging it on.

“Wha-” Adam tries to start again, but Marnie cuts in this time. He’s quickly growing more and more annoyed by the second. He’s confused, and people are just invading his space without permission. Everyone is in a frenzy and what? Hannah is missing?

“Her phone is off. She went to get us breakfast this morning and she never came back. Like, she doesn’t even have a car-”

“We’ve been looking for her everywhere-”

“She like, she took her wallet and I didn’t think that was strange because she was going to buy food you know? But she’s gone. She’s nowhere.”

“Grover hasn’t stopped crying for hours.”

“Yeah, everyone in New York knows that one,” Jessa mumbles and Ray rolls his eyes.

Adam is just about to yell in frustration and tell everyone to shut the fuck up when Nina comes back down the hall, shirt straightened out and yoga pants covering all the places he wishes he could still be touching. Jessa’s eyes meet hers across the room and they exchange a bit of a head nod. He doesn’t like that Jessa rolls her eyes and starts eyeing all the things in the apartment that don’t belong to him.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Nina immediately coos at Grover, reaching to take him from Marnie who gives him up with no hesitation. Adam assumes she’s desperate for a break since she’s only met Nina once, and Grover has never been around his girlfriend. “Hannah is missing?” She looks back at the group while she starts to bounce the crying baby. Even though she’s never met Hannah, she still looks concerned when she glances up at Adam, too. He figures she must’ve overheard them talking. Or, she’s heard them talking and Adam trying to talk.

“I’ve been driving around,” Ray speaks up, directed at both of them and talking over Grover’s wailing. “We can’t find her. Adam, look, I’m sorry I brought us here but can you think of anywhere she might be?”

“What the fuck,” Adam grouses, tugging his hair out of his face and huffing in a mix of emotions, all of them negative. “Why would she just run away?”

Jessa makes a vague hand motion toward the bundle in Nina’s arms, but everyone ignores her.

“Does he have a bag?” Nina asks and Marnie removes the strap from around her shoulder and holds it out while she swipes at her own tears with the other. “Thank you. I’m gonna make him a bottle, yeah?”

“I’ve tried,” Marnie sounds desperate, and the dark circles around her eyes are telling. “He just screams. There has to be something wrong-”

“Marnie,” Nina holds up a hand to stop her, smiling tight. “With all due respect, the vibe you’re giving off is really negative and he can probably sense that. So, I’m gonna need you to go sit down and chill the fuck out, I’ve got this. Okay?”

He smiles softly at her, which she returns before placing a soft kiss to Grover’s fuzzy head. Adam’s breath catches for a moment at the sight of her with a baby in her arms, his biology sparking some drive inside of him to put a baby inside of her. Seeing Nina with Grover is so natural, he can almost forget the confuckery going on around him.

Almost.

“I’m just so stressed,” Marnie whines, but listens to Nina and throws herself down onto the couch. Adam vaguely notes that she’s sitting on the blanket he’s thrown over the wet mark Nina had made, but his attention is drawn back to his ex that isn’t missing when she opens her mouth again.

“We all know you’re stressed,” Jessa says, “you’ve only said it 500 times today.”

“You’re not helping,” Adam’s voice rises and he closes his eyes for a second while Nina disappears through the arch into the kitchen, Grover’s cries already transitioning into whimpers as she whispers to him on the way. “Fucking Hannah…”

“We even went to her old flat,” Jessa sits in the round Papasan chair Nina’s brought from her old place. “It’s being rented out by some weird French man with a tiny mustache and like, seven Pomeranians.”

He hears them talking around him, talking to each other about where they’ve gone to try and find her, but he isn’t focused on them anymore. He doesn’t get it. They said they’ve been looking for her all day, and everyone standing in his living room against his will all know the mousey girl pretty well, so he likes to think they’d check some pretty good places. It’s so fucking selfish of her to do this in the first place, but he can’t help but be worried about his ex. He may not be in love with her any longer, but he does love her on some sort of level of appreciation after spending so much time with her…

He has a moment of clarity, opening his eyes and looking around while his brain settles on an idea. “The roof,” he says and they turn to him. Jessa had been in the middle of saying something, but he presses on. “Did you check the roof?”

“Like, at her old apartment?” Marnie asks, watching as Nina pops out from the kitchen, a bottle in Grover’s mouth as she smiles tight-lipped and disappears with the baby into their bedroom.

“No,” he shakes his head. “No. Hand me my shirt, I’ll be back.”

Marnie looks next to her on the floor, eyeing the green fabric but it’s Jessa that leans off her chair and snatches it up. “I’ll come with you.”

“No,” he and Ray say at the same time. Ray is the one that continues. “Let Adam go. We’ve been at this shit all day.”

She bristles a little, but one glare from Adam has her sinking back against the cushions.

“If Nina comes back out, tell her I’ll be back. I’ve got,” he taps his pockets before confirming, “yeah, yes. I’ve got my phone.”

Then he’s out the door and half jogging up the stairs toward the roof of his building. He’s not sure why, but he can feel that he’s right. She’s up here, and the closer he gets to the door the more his stomach flips over. They’d spent a lot of time up here together when they’d been together and shared some pretty good memories there.

When he pushes through the hard metal, he sees her immediately, sitting lotus style on one of the ducts near the other side. Her head turns toward him when she hears the door, and even this far away he can see her eyes are shiny with tears when her head snaps his direction.

“Hey,” he says, unmoving just in case she’s feeling timid. His molars clench a little on their own.

“What are you doing here?” She asks, swiping at her eyes.

“What am I doing here? I live here,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the move and genuinely happy to see her. “What are you doing here?”

He sees her mull about her answer, her face twitching before she turns back forward. He takes that as it being okay to approach her, so he does, moving slow. He hears her sniff before she starts again and he reaches into his pocket looking for something for her to use to wipe her face or blow her nose but doesn’t find anything so he just leaves his hands there.

“Everyone downstairs?” She ignores his question.

Adam nods, knowing she’s talking about her friends as he props himself against the other duct. He sees a half-eaten giant candy bar in her lap and a two-liter of soda. She’s eating her feelings like she used to do.

“I messed up,” she almost whispers. “Like, I really messed up Adam and I don’t know what to do.”

“I can’t offer you anything until you tell me more...”

The tears return, but she sucks in her lips and takes a few deep breathes before she answers. “I’m a shitty mom,” she blurts, which catches his attention. Hannah isn’t great at admitting when she’s wrong. “I’m such a shitty mom, Adam. He just cries all of the time and I don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t even, I can’t get him to latch to my nipple and everything is just so…it’s so fucking hard. I haven’t slept in four days. FOUR. DAYS. I’m going crazy. I mean look at me, I ran away. I, I left.”

Her voice carries the tune of a cry in its depths and for a moment he feels heartbroken for her.

“Hey,” he’s gentle with her. “Being a parent is hard. There are literally millions of parenting books out there, and not a single one of them says that it’s easy. And I should know, I’ve read every single one when Caroline was pregnant.”

“But I can’t do this, Adam. I can’t. I, I’m gonna mess him up so bad. He’s gonna grow up and he’s gonna murder someone, or like, get involved in Politics or something else horrible…and-and it’s gonna be my fault. It’s all going to be my fault-”

“Hey, hey, Hannah,” Adam pushes off the duct and crosses over to her, and arm wrapping around her shoulder without any hesitation. She relaxes into him comfortably, like she always has. “You’ve gotta take a breath, kid. You’re gonna give yourself a panic attack if you don’t calm down.”

She nods her head against his chest, “I know. I do, I know…but I feel like my whole life recently has been one big panic attack.” Her voice is still tense, but she’s calmer now that he’s comforting her.

“That’s a tough spot to be in,” Adam pulls away to look down at her. Her eyes are still full but the tears aren’t actually falling any longer. “I’m sorry. Have you gotten any help?”

“That’s, um, that’s kind of why I’m here,” she starts, but she can’t meet his eyes as she continues. “Do you ever think about what it would’ve been like if we’d been able to make it work out?”

Adam’s mildly uncomfortable but Hannah is hurting and he needs to get her off this roof. “I don’t want to lie to you, Hannah-”

“No, no. I know,” she waves her hand and sits up a little straighter. “I know you’re with someone else now. Jessa told me-” Adam shifts a little “-but I just, shit…sometimes I think about how this might all be easier if I had someone to do this with.”

“What about Marnie?” Adam backs against the half wall of the roof, tucking a piece of hair blowing in the wind behind his ear.

“I’m like, you know, really grateful for her help but…do you think I’m taking advantage of her?”

“I don’t know enough about your situation to be able to answer that-”

“-can’t you just say-”

“BUT,” Adam stops her. “Marnie is downstairs in my apartment with your son right now, and you’re sitting on my roof eating enough fucking sugar for a week in one night so, if I were you I might want to go down there and ask her that question before I go into diabetic shock.”

That gets her to laugh a little and look up at him. “Do you think I’m a bad mom, Adam?”

“No,” he tells her simply. “You can be selfish, and you can be mean…don’t look at me like that, I’m-I’m right, you know I’m right. No, let me finish,” he holds up a hand when she opens her mouth. “You’re selfish, and you’re mean, but you have a big fucking heart, Hannah. Huge. It’s like, so big and I can tell by how worried you are about him, that you love Grover more than you have ever loved anyone or anything.”

Hannah nods, eyes sparkling with more tears, “I do. I just, I can’t believe I made him.”

“That’s beautiful,” Adam moves toward her again, resting a hand on her shoulder and leaning forward to meet her closer to her eye level. “You made him. He is half you, and if you raise him to have half of that giant heart you have then he’s going to be fine.”

“Thank you,” her bottom lip whimpers.

“You’re welcome. Now, are you ready to come downstairs with me?”

She pauses and they just stare at one another for a few seconds, and Adam gets that familiar little bloom of warmth in his chest. It isn’t love. He knows it isn’t, but it’s comfortable and he lets his mind wonder for the briefest moment what it might’ve been like.

“Are you happy?” She says, and this time it’s Adam’s turn to pause.

He knows what she’s asking, and he knows why. If she would have asked him this question five months ago, he would’ve said no, but now…

“Yes,” he states, eyes not leaving hers. Her face falls for just a flicker of a moment, but then she smiles.

“Good. You deserve to be happy. So, so happy…and I’m-I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“Me too,” Adam’s earnest, meaning it when the words roll over his tongue. “Now, let’s fucking go because Jessa is down there with Nina and I’m going to have an aneurism if I don’t get back.”

They’re both laughing as they retreat back to Adam’s apartment, Hannah joking about Adam leaving Nina alone with the blonde and expressing her bittersweet excitement to meet his girlfriend. Adam holds it together because Hannah is someone he does genuinely give a shit about, but he knows he’s about two more awkward moments away from his own meltdown.

He appears fine on the outside…

…inside this night has been enough to make Adam want a drink.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment and let me know what you think! I love hearing from y'all!


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